When i was little, i used to have nightmares. I would wake up, with scratches and bruises all over my body. I would claw at myself during the night. I would wake up, and think that someone had hit me while i was sleeping. I think, maybe, this is what started everything. I had these dreams until i was 11. When i was 12, i stopped eating and started cutting. This was when i stopped being a "good catholic girl" and started being a badass. I tried pot for the first time. I bought all black clothes and died my hair. I got my tongue peirced. I eventually wound up in the hospital for cutting myself too deep. It was bad, there was blood everywhere. I told the doctors what they wanted to hear; that i was just looking for a release, i didn't really want to die. They send me home. When i was 13, i met April, and we hit it off instantly. She became my best friend.. my only friend. When we were 14, i kissed her. When we were 15, we went to Disney together. Spending a week in the same hotel room without your parents, in the same bed leads to certain things. When i was 18, she died. The same year, i went to the hospital for 3 months. And then i went back again. Then i started college. It was good, until i moved into my apartment. I became isolated. My exboyfriend killed himself. Here we are now. 200 pills, a few bottles of everclear. I remember her eyes, the most. They were bright blue, just like mine, but they had these specs of gold in them, and if you looked at them long enough, they would change color with the lighting. When she died, at the hospital, i had to identify her. There was a picture, of her, on the floor. With puke all over her face. Her eyes were wide open, and they werent blue, they were grey. I will never, ever, forget that color, of her eyes. They gold was all gone, and she was empty looking. I turned to the doctor and shook my head no. They made me actually go see her body. Her eyes were closed, this time. I guess she was resting.