you know, i have never judged anyone on this forum, not once, i have gone out of my way to help others even when my own problems were suffocating me... and yet last night a certain individual here attacked me for my beliefs on another thread.. i thought this forum was about support.. i come here because i have only here and one friend to turn to in my life that i CAN voice how i feel and now i cant even do that here without being attacked for it.. all this is, just more confirmation that i SHOULD kill myself..ive spent another two days being verbally attacked by family to the point i am so stressed and ill over it that i am having GI bleeding.. i have chrons disease and only when i am severely stressed does it cause that.. so i turn to this forum for solace and a place to escape criticism and being cut down (which is how i spend the other waking hours of my life) and what happens? i get attacked here for voicing my beliefs.. im being attacked even as i speak here, being called horrid names again.. i cant do this.. i can NOT live being degraded and controlled, treated like im a piece of shit under my family's feet.. the hidious names that come from my elderly relatives mouth that she calls me, make me want to kill myself.. she makes me hate every breath i take.. never says anything positive about me, just points out my flaws tells me no one will want me or to be around me, calls me 4 letter words if i try to defend myself.. threatens me with whatever power she can wrench from me and use... and her husband, also a blood relative sat and snickered after he spent 45 minutes screaming at me until veins bulged in his face over the fact i rode with him when he went somewhere i needed to go, instead of staying home and playing lap dog to his wife.. he was weaving through traffic waving his hands screaming at the top of his lungs with the windows down, people were looking at him and shaking their heads.. he created such a spectacle i wanted to just open the car door and throw myself out into on coming traffic.. all that because i wanted to ride with him where he was already going.. i needed to get outside for a bit, im house bound due to illness 90% of the time... how f**ked up is their logic? if i want to go with them they attack me and cause wars, if i stay home they accuse me of being mentally sick because i wont leave the house.. i asked a question to my male relative yesterday, just a random question regarding something he was doing, and he reacted explosively lurching at me in a way that appeared threatening and slamming both hands on the table bellowing in a nasty voice " ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!!" a war ensued.. he paced, screamed at me, said very hurtful things... so, i went to the bedroom for the rest of the day hiding there and crying over the attack.. all i did was ask a QUESTION about the way he was doing something... today when i asked to ride along to the location he was going, he started reacting like a maniac and told me that it was my responsibility to deal with the issue i had questioned him on the day before.. OKAY.. first its none of my damn business and i can piss off..now all of a sudden it's my responsibility? this is what both their mind frames are like.. they contradict themselves constantly.. i live in permanent confusion wondering every moment what the F**K im gonna be attacked for next.. ive gotten so defensive that if someone even speaks to me i feel anger start to build... none of you understand but that's okay... i dont care anymore... attack me if you wish, push me even closer to killing myself... i know im worthless, a piece of shit, and that none of you care what happens to me... why do i even bother coming here for "support"?