I really don't know even where to begin...for once as odd as it sounds I'm out of words. I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do or what to say. I shut off all my messengers so people couldn't talk to me because I don't know what to say anymore..there's nothing really to say aside from I give up. Since when is it okay to make people feel like this?? Since when is it okay to turn YOUR words around and make it my fault. Obviously I need serious help of some kind or I wouldn't be on this site, am I right? I wouldn't make posts explaining my past and if you took the time to read those you'd know instead of just assuming i'm some fuckin' nut bag. We are NOT friends, don't ever get that confused with the pity I feel for you. That's right I do NOT hate you, hate is a pointless and useless emotion and even that emotion I wouldn't waste on you. Don't confuse me being nice and trying to help as us being friends because lets face it in real life if you ever said the things you've said to me on the computer you'd have no teeth left. I am not violent, my anger is fixated on the things that upset me, the words and thoughts of people who don't take the time to sit and think before they speak. You want to fixate on me being fucked up and how I need help...damn right I need help. I'm sooo sorry that I was raped by some massochistic piece of shit who wanted to control someone who was weak, I'm soooo sorry that I got thrown against a wall by a supposed friend who was mad at me. I'm sooo sorry that supposed friend had me by the throat and told me when I wanted to kill myself make sure i called him so he could watch. I'm sooo sorry I was berated by my mother, I'm sooo sorry she made me feel like I was worth nothing more than a kick down to t he ground. So I'm so fuckin' sorry to you that you can't possibly understand how I am feeling, I'm so fuckin' sorry that you can't stop to take your head out of your ass and think that maybe your words can effect people. I'm sorry that you live in your world and in that world it's all about you. For the record, I try to help people here and it is known that I don't accept help from people often. I don't let people get into my world because I am so afraid they will be like my mother, or like the massochistic asshole, or like that supposed friend. So fair warning, when people step on my toes and cross the line with me, my claws will come out and I will take out your eyes. So sorry but I look out for me and if you can't understand that then I can't possibly help you at all.