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Take no notice...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~PinkElephants~, Jun 8, 2007.

  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I really don't know even where to begin...for once as odd as it sounds I'm out of words. I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do or what to say. I shut off all my messengers so people couldn't talk to me because I don't know what to say anymore..there's nothing really to say aside from I give up. Since when is it okay to make people feel like this?? Since when is it okay to turn YOUR words around and make it my fault. Obviously I need serious help of some kind or I wouldn't be on this site, am I right? I wouldn't make posts explaining my past and if you took the time to read those you'd know instead of just assuming i'm some fuckin' nut bag. We are NOT friends, don't ever get that confused with the pity I feel for you. That's right I do NOT hate you, hate is a pointless and useless emotion and even that emotion I wouldn't waste on you. Don't confuse me being nice and trying to help as us being friends because lets face it in real life if you ever said the things you've said to me on the computer you'd have no teeth left. I am not violent, my anger is fixated on the things that upset me, the words and thoughts of people who don't take the time to sit and think before they speak.

    You want to fixate on me being fucked up and how I need help...damn right I need help. I'm sooo sorry that I was raped by some massochistic piece of shit who wanted to control someone who was weak, I'm soooo sorry that I got thrown against a wall by a supposed friend who was mad at me. I'm sooo sorry that supposed friend had me by the throat and told me when I wanted to kill myself make sure i called him so he could watch. I'm sooo sorry I was berated by my mother, I'm sooo sorry she made me feel like I was worth nothing more than a kick down to t he ground. So I'm so fuckin' sorry to you that you can't possibly understand how I am feeling, I'm so fuckin' sorry that you can't stop to take your head out of your ass and think that maybe your words can effect people. I'm sorry that you live in your world and in that world it's all about you.

    For the record, I try to help people here and it is known that I don't accept help from people often. I don't let people get into my world because I am so afraid they will be like my mother, or like the massochistic asshole, or like that supposed friend. So fair warning, when people step on my toes and cross the line with me, my claws will come out and I will take out your eyes. So sorry but I look out for me and if you can't understand that then I can't possibly help you at all.
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug:
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: :hug: You know where i am if you wanna talk, Kells :arms:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I should have just let him talk to me like that. I should have let him make me feel like the whore that I am. I should have let him tell me about his sex life and his dreams..i should have just taken it and internalized it. Because of my actions it has pitted two friends against each other. Because of me I possibly broke up that friendship. The thing is though, why can't we act like adults instead of playing childish games. Both are at fault, but I take full blame. I shouldn't have ever said anything. Shame on me for opening up and telling someone it upset me. Shame on me for thinking that I could do some good and it could be resolved in an adult manner. Shame on me for thinking anything I ever did was good enough for anyone. Shame on me for breathing. I am the ****. I am the whore. I am the slut. I am the bitch. I am nothing. I'm al of those things so don't say otherwise. I am all of those things so don't try and say no you aren't oooh huggy huggy..its all bullshit

    I don't want hugs and the fake support from people I don't know. I want people to take notice that this isn't right..and next time I'll know to keep my fuckin' mouth shut..
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    No, Kellz, you shouldn't have let him talk to you like that. And you didn't. You stood up for yourself, it was triggering you, and you told him to stop, then you did the right thing, because if you hadn't said anything, he would have told someone else, why not stop it before it gets worse. And, I'm not going to argue with you about what you're calling yourself, because you won't listen to it. I will tell you this though, none of it's true, and you know where I am if you ever need to talk. :hug: And that's not fake support, but take it how you want.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Kelly you had every right to speak out about the wrongdoings that were going on. i am sorry that you feel the support and hugs you are given here are a falsehood. Does that mean the same goes for you? Not accusing, just curious. I think our intentions to show you our support is just as genuine as yours. I have never lied to you or given you false comfort. If you view it that way, there is really nothing I can do to change that. Again I am sorry you are feeling this way. Take care Kelly. You will be in my thoughts.