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Empathy Only Taking a break

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#1
I don't want to go to therapy any more. We're going to take a break. I feel more suicidal after leaving a session because I'm so frustrated. Going works up my suicidal impulses. I know if I stop going nothing will ever change but going isn't changing anything either. If I stop, I might as well sign my death certificate. I won't change therapists. She says I have to find the answers inside me. If I knew how, I wouldn't need therapy. I just want to scream. I hate my life.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#3
I'm sorry that therapy didn't work out.

I guess it's pretty common for people to feel worse after therapy than before, especially if the session is about talking about really painful experiences from the past.

Wishing you good things
For the first time I found someone empathetic and I thought she may have been able to help. We couldn't even address the original issues because roadblocks kept getting thrown in the way. I'm too tired to do this any more.
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Staff member
ADMIN
#5
@Leesa - I’m sorry things are hard for you right now. I guess I’m kind of going to repeat what @may71 said: In my experience, therapy was not easy and there were many times I felt worse after the session. That was actually the progress that I was making. My doctor explained that it could be hard and painful work at times as we uncovered things that led to my depression and dealt with ongoing current issues. It didn’t work all at once or even in sequence. It was a bumpy ride sometimes. My doc said that uncovering too much too fast could leave some things unaddressed or make things too hard all at once. So it took time and it was not always easy work to do. I hope your break helps to give you some space so that you can find a way to keep working through things with or without this therapist.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#6
@Leesa - I’m sorry things are hard for you right now. I guess I’m kind of going to repeat what @may71 said: In my experience, therapy was not easy and there were many times I felt worse after the session. That was actually the progress that I was making. My doctor explained that it could be hard and painful work at times as we uncovered things that led to my depression and dealt with ongoing current issues. It didn’t work all at once or even in sequence. It was a bumpy ride sometimes. My doc said that uncovering too much too fast could leave some things unaddressed or make things too hard all at once. So it took time and it was not always easy work to do. I hope your break helps to give you some space so that you can find a way to keep working through things with or without this therapist.
I've been doing this on and off since 1991. She was the first person I ever felt could help me. Since seeing her I've had my home flood and encountered multiple health and financial issues. This has made it difficult to focus on the original reasons I went to her. It's been 14 1/2 months and no progress has been made. I hate her new office. I don't hate her. I just feel worthless and done.
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Staff member
ADMIN
#7
I’m sorry @Leesa that it’s all so hard. Lots of things can make therapy harder, and it seems you’re encountering things that are tough for you or anyone. I wouldn’t wish those things on someone.

I don’t believe you are worthless even if you feel that way. I do hope a break will help you feel better. Take care.
 
#8
Since seeing her I've had my home flood and encountered multiple health and financial issues. This has made it difficult to focus on the original reasons I went to her
That's awful to have all of this on top of what brought you to therapy in the first place. Were these the roadblocks you mentioned?

Do you feel like saying more about the health and financial issues?

I just feel worthless and done
You're not worthless Leesa, and I hope you're not done.

Sending hugs
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#9
That's awful to have all of this on top of what brought you to therapy in the first place. Were these the roadblocks you mentioned?

Do you feel like saying more about the health and financial issues?


You're not worthless Leesa, and I hope you're not done.

Sending hugs
I spend a lot of money on doctor appointments and I have back payments I have to make to my HOA so my home isn't repossessed. This all occurred as a result of bankruptcy and although it has been 6 years and discharged, I have one more year of payments and before it falls off my credit report.

I also don't make much. They just hired someone with 6 months experience for 10 thousand dollars more a year than me when I have 25 years. And I obviously don't have anyone in my life for a 2nd income.

I have chronic pelvic pain and migraines. Last year I injured my back after my home flooded. I've always enjoyed walking and that helped my back but then I started experiencing severe neck pain when walking. I've had neck problems but it never interfered with walking. The pelvic pain has but I deal with it. I have interstitial cystitis. It's not a bladder infection but it mimics one. Imagine that discomfort for 30 years.

I can't clean my house. With the depression, the flood and my injuries, my house fell apart and I can't afford repairs. I used my tax return to hire a professional organizer. It was an awful experience and my house is not organized.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#10
That's awful to have all of this on top of what brought you to therapy in the first place. Were these the roadblocks you mentioned?

Do you feel like saying more about the health and financial issues?


You're not worthless Leesa, and I hope you're not done.

Sending hugs
Oh, what brought me to therapy? The inability to connect with people and never having had a relationship. It's in the 'my story' page.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#11
That's awful to have all of this on top of what brought you to therapy in the first place. Were these the roadblocks you mentioned?

Do you feel like saying more about the health and financial issues?


You're not worthless Leesa, and I hope you're not done.

Sending hugs
I went back to my story. You had already read it. It's only gotten worse since I posted it.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#13
That sounds really unfair
Yep. I was told I could resign, reapply in 6 months (company policy). This doesn't guarantee I would get rehired or if I did, I may be offered lower than what I make now. I can't take the gamble. It's not just me who is getting this but everyone else has a second income. So, it's not personal, it's that the company sucks and doesn't have its priorities straight. And while I won't say who I work for, it is a huge global company.
I've been there for over 4 years. My 25 years refers to industry experience.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#14
I have interstitial cystitis. It's not a bladder infection but it mimics one. Imagine that discomfort for 30 years.
I know this isn't the point of this message but message me if you'd care to hear how I got rid of this permanently. I know that sometimes people get fed up listening to people advising them "what to do" so Ill just leave this here :)
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#15
As for your original post:
You know, I think that therapy *is* allowed to / oftentimes painful. If it was just you going in for a chat with someone then it wouldn't be very effective, right? But, I do not think that people should be leaving therapy suicidal. That, to me, is more pushing or poking than needs to happen and the therapist should be informed that this is happening and something needs to change there. It's unfair that someone shows up to your life for 50 minutes, creates a suicidal ideation in your day and then leaves without really giving you much thought for another week. I think that's shitty. If it's been a year and a half and progress isn't being made then maybe you can let it all simmer around in your head for a month or two -- see how you feel with it vs without it. Certainly if you feel worse then you go back, right?
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#16
As for your original post:
You know, I think that therapy *is* allowed to / oftentimes painful. If it was just you going in for a chat with someone then it wouldn't be very effective, right? But, I do not think that people should be leaving therapy suicidal. That, to me, is more pushing or poking than needs to happen and the therapist should be informed that this is happening and something needs to change there. It's unfair that someone shows up to your life for 50 minutes, creates a suicidal ideation in your day and then leaves without really giving you much thought for another week. I think that's shitty. If it's been a year and a half and progress isn't being made then maybe you can let it all simmer around in your head for a month or two -- see how you feel with it vs without it. Certainly if you feel worse then you go back, right?
She was my last hope. She changed office locations and hours (they don't work well for me), she doesn't take insurance now. She has me on a sliding scale, which I appreciate but I would have met my maximum out if pocket and now the money is going away and not going towards that. After today's paycheck, I have $50 to last me for two weeks for food, gas and electricity. That isn't enough. I don't qualify as being at poverty level so I can't get help. My deadline for reaching my goal (birthday) has come and gone, my health has worsened and there's been this big change to therapy sessions. The only safety plan I had was to go to bed. I've never had anyone to call and have no reason to live. This is why I can't fill out a safety plan. I don't even have an emergency contact on most medical documents. I have tried to start a will but I don't understand them and obviously can't afford an attorney.
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#17
I know this isn't the point of this message but message me if you'd care to hear how I got rid of this permanently. I know that sometimes people get fed up listening to people advising them "what to do" so Ill just leave this here :)
I've done physical therapy, accupuncture, medication, out patient procedures (under anesthesia), yoga, pilates, aloe vera supplements, diet changes, tens units....
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#18
She gave me referrals for 3 places. I've already crossed one off the list because they only do 45 minute sessions. I called another place twice and hung up. You can only leave a message and I panicked. I haven't actually spoken to my therapist. This was all done via email. She's the first one I've ever liked and felt really has my best interests at heart. She's not doing anything wrong but I'm devastated at how this is playing out. I told her I realized I joined SF after my 3rd visit to her new place. The change had that much of a profound impact on me.
 

sinking_ship

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#19
I hate leaving a message. You don't have to say much though, you can just rehearse it and then call.

That is sad that the change was so hard on you. What was it that made it so bad, do you think? Was it the new added money stress of it?

I hope you can figure out a good option *hug
 

Leesa

Well-Known Member
#20
I hate leaving a message. You don't have to say much though, you can just rehearse it and then call.

That is sad that the change was so hard on you. What was it that made it so bad, do you think? Was it the new added money stress of it?

I hope you can figure out a good option *hug
I work 45 to 50 hours a week to scrape by. My days off are Thursday and Friday. I used to see her for 90 minutes on Thursdays. It was a very calm place and although far, it was worth it because she understands me. They took insurance which was going towards my max out of pocket. With the amount of doctor appointments I have, I would have met my max out of pocket this month. So, the rest of the year would have been fully covered by insurance.

She decided to open her own practice, which I understand. She was charging me a very similar price (which I am truly grateful for) but she only does 60 minute sessions. I wouldn't be able to afford 90 minutes without it going towards max out of pocket anyway. She is only in on Monday/Tuesday and Wednesday. The only day I can go is Wednesday. It's the 'end' of the week for me and I have to go after work. The drive is the same distance but the traffic is worse. So, by the time I get there, I'm tired, in 'work mode' and aggravated by the traffic.

Her friends have a real estate business and they are renting her one of the offices. When you go in, you're in a conference room with a bunch of realtors. When she's ready I go into the office and it feels like a dark closet and like the walls are closing in. She has a white noise machine but I still hear everyone outside. I'm very sensitive to surroundings. So, when I go in I already have extra anxiety and I go into a room where I want to crawl up in a ball. I actually have found myself staring at a mirror for long periods of time and just seeing the reflection of the wall. I can't concentrate on what she is saying and I'm distracted. I leave angry and overwhelmed. Progress has completely stopped.

When I picture the door to exit the building I imagine something violent happening (not saying what) and i just collapse and die.

At first I thought I was just being resistant to change and being immature. But I've found it's not that. I made my way to this forum after my third visit. That wasn't by mistake.i just didn't connect the dots.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings because she's expanding her career and I didn't want it to seem like I was saying she has bad taste. It's not that. It's just not set up in a way that will allow progress.

I'm upset because I really do like her, know she cares and has my best interests in mind. But, this arrangement is not working.

I just don't want to start over after investing over a year and due to the fact that she is the first to ever show compassion Because of my previous experiences I'm scared. I want to see her in person one last time because I feel it's important. But I don't want to go to that office and Wednesdays are still bad.

The last time I was this upset was a year and a half ago. My dog and friend died 16 days apart. It's like an active grieving process. I'm scared and confused.

I didn't anticipate this. I had no plans or interest in finding another therapist. I felt like I finally found someone who could help me and I said this was my last stop. I wanted her to be the one to help and discontinue therapy once I was able to resolve things. But this isn't the case...I feel devastated and don't feel there is help. I've tried for so long and failed.
 

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