Taking A Look At Myself

I am a miserable human being. I take no enjoyment in life. I have problems. I know exactly what brings me down, but I cannot change them... for the most part.


If only I went to university after high school I might have a better job. Now I am a janitor in a hospital. There is no satisfaction to my job. Nobody ever notices if you do a good job. The pay is terrible. It takes me over half a month just to pay my rent. The rest goes to food etc.

Even if I wanted to go to school, I don't have the money or the ENERGY to do so. My bank account never grows and I am very frugal. Fuck working for nothing.

I wish I could be NORMAL and have a full range of emotions. I wish I could have a relationship. I have zero friends. I only have a mother and father to talk to. Nobody will even say hello to me at work no matter how much I try to be friendly. No women wants to have a relationship with a janitor.

I have 25 and going bald. No real looks and nothing to offer that makes me interesting to the opposite sex. I am your average guy. I have nothing to offer you. If we went on dates I would not know what to do. If you offered yourself to me, I wouldn't know what to do anyway. No desire to have children and spread these genes anyway.

I have thoughts of killing myself, and sometimes others. It worries me. I am trapped in my mind and it is not a good place. I keep telling myself things will get better and they never do. They NEVER GET ANY BETTER. I was bullied in school and now I am bullied in life. Things never change. People never change.

Some people are born to succeed and others are born to fail. Somebody has to be the ant and somebody has to be the giant. Since I am too chicken to kill myself, I can only hope for an incurable disease or an accident. I don't care if I am selfish bastard. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Everyone is alone in this world. Forever.

 

Take it little steps at a time.
Work towards being a better person/improving yourself.
If you under the age of 50, its not too late to turn it all around.
Even if it takes a few years to succeed.

 

That sounds so easy.

 

You have a job.
You have your health.
You can read and write.
You can take courses for six months and become a medical assistant, or a career in criminology, takes only a few months.
My sister became an LPN after studying for a year.
You can do lots of things with a high school education.
I know lots of people who are not "good looking" who are married.
You can make friends today no matter what you do for a living.
Try and enjoy something in your life, since everybody has some good things going in their lives. *hugs*inkrose:

 

Unless you have a real education (4+ years) you might as well stick with Wal-Mart these days.

 

You don't work for nothing. You earn money that you exchange for shelter and food.

And yeah... it's tough. I know what you mean, and it sucks.