I am a miserable human being. I take no enjoyment in life. I have problems. I know exactly what brings me down, but I cannot change them... for the most part. If only I went to university after high school I might have a better job. Now I am a janitor in a hospital. There is no satisfaction to my job. Nobody ever notices if you do a good job. The pay is terrible. It takes me over half a month just to pay my rent. The rest goes to food etc. Even if I wanted to go to school, I don't have the money or the ENERGY to do so. My bank account never grows and I am very frugal. Fuck working for nothing. I wish I could be NORMAL and have a full range of emotions. I wish I could have a relationship. I have zero friends. I only have a mother and father to talk to. Nobody will even say hello to me at work no matter how much I try to be friendly. No women wants to have a relationship with a janitor. I have 25 and going bald. No real looks and nothing to offer that makes me interesting to the opposite sex. I am your average guy. I have nothing to offer you. If we went on dates I would not know what to do. If you offered yourself to me, I wouldn't know what to do anyway. No desire to have children and spread these genes anyway. I have thoughts of killing myself, and sometimes others. It worries me. I am trapped in my mind and it is not a good place. I keep telling myself things will get better and they never do. They NEVER GET ANY BETTER. I was bullied in school and now I am bullied in life. Things never change. People never change. Some people are born to succeed and others are born to fail. Somebody has to be the ant and somebody has to be the giant. Since I am too chicken to kill myself, I can only hope for an incurable disease or an accident. I don't care if I am selfish bastard. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. Everyone is alone in this world. Forever.