Taking a poll...Anyone only here because of their family?
- Thread starter Hopeiseverything
- Start date
Yes, exactly that. The fear of death isn't really that strong, but I leave a little probability in the back of my head that something bad might come after death (not that I think that you can change the afterlife in this life, an even smaller prob is assigned to that). But I don't feel 100.0% certain that it's just done after u die, especially since a scenario such as hell wouldn't be worth risking even if just 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% probability, since the value is approaching negative infinity.
Now, my family is, like in your case, the ONLY thing that keeps me capping myself. If they all get killed? Money goes to homeless shelters and I kill myself faster than I click away an ad on youtube. Now, that's a LOW probability event (like 0.000001?). So I'll probably live out an entire life UNLESS I face torture, then I make an exception since physical pain, imo, can override other's emotional pain. But just my own emotional pain? Not enough for me to spin that shit up like Yoda in the senate and send it flying at my family who is actively doing everything they can to help me in every way.
How I stay alive? Basically by believing in the last paragraph. I used to think that my parents were responsible for spawning me into this shithole and that they deserve my suicide, my opinion has changed completely. I don't want them to suffer, no matter what they are responsible for or not, that extends to many others than my parents, as well. But it took a long while to get there, and I'm not close to done with developing that stuff. I did, however, want to wait for my little sister to grow up so that she could deal with my suicide in a better way than a child can. But I did think that none of my siblings deserved any suffering from a suicide of mine, but that they were collateral damage caused by my parents.
As to not killing myself day-to-day when unemployed, lonely, virgin, loser, many want you to die, lazy, anhedonia, no motivation, etc, I keep busy. Did meditation before, and that's great for many at many points in life, but good old fashioned distraction is my go-to now. Electronic entertainment, including the forum, is what I use.
Can't really find you in my mind, probably due to the lack of profile picture, so I don't have any info on you. Usually I have some sense of people on here, at least vaguely.
Now, my family is, like in your case, the ONLY thing that keeps me capping myself. If they all get killed? Money goes to homeless shelters and I kill myself faster than I click away an ad on youtube. Now, that's a LOW probability event (like 0.000001?). So I'll probably live out an entire life UNLESS I face torture, then I make an exception since physical pain, imo, can override other's emotional pain. But just my own emotional pain? Not enough for me to spin that shit up like Yoda in the senate and send it flying at my family who is actively doing everything they can to help me in every way.
How I stay alive? Basically by believing in the last paragraph. I used to think that my parents were responsible for spawning me into this shithole and that they deserve my suicide, my opinion has changed completely. I don't want them to suffer, no matter what they are responsible for or not, that extends to many others than my parents, as well. But it took a long while to get there, and I'm not close to done with developing that stuff. I did, however, want to wait for my little sister to grow up so that she could deal with my suicide in a better way than a child can. But I did think that none of my siblings deserved any suffering from a suicide of mine, but that they were collateral damage caused by my parents.
As to not killing myself day-to-day when unemployed, lonely, virgin, loser, many want you to die, lazy, anhedonia, no motivation, etc, I keep busy. Did meditation before, and that's great for many at many points in life, but good old fashioned distraction is my go-to now. Electronic entertainment, including the forum, is what I use.
Can't really find you in my mind, probably due to the lack of profile picture, so I don't have any info on you. Usually I have some sense of people on here, at least vaguely.
Partly so for me. Plus I would view suicide from me being me surrendering to life and things I can not control so continue is what I do. The same goes for although I have no problem if I knew I would drop dead because of a heart attack no issue, but I would fight to the death against someone violently trying to end my life or harm me seriously which I have done before, although that person did live and I was fine.
For my family? As in the people I am biologically related to? No. Most of them could care less if I'm alive or not. They would be far more concerned about how the manner of my death might make them look to the people in their community. I don't care if their dysfunction is exposed.
The person who has adopted me into their family? The person who chooses to love me despite my flaws? He's a pretty good reason to stick around. He can't be the only reason, that's a lot of pressure for a person, but he's pretty high on the list.
How do I do it? I take one day at a time. That's not all that helpful, but I find if I try to take it more than one day at a time the world becomes overwhelming and I can't face it.
The person who has adopted me into their family? The person who chooses to love me despite my flaws? He's a pretty good reason to stick around. He can't be the only reason, that's a lot of pressure for a person, but he's pretty high on the list.
How do I do it? I take one day at a time. That's not all that helpful, but I find if I try to take it more than one day at a time the world becomes overwhelming and I can't face it.
This is a difficult question. I have always had the idea bouncing around and for the most part predominately when I get really low, that when my mom and dad pass, that's when I'm going too. That time has come and much more quickly than I expected. It's scary. I feel a pull in that direction but I also feel a pull hearing my dad tell me you are a fighter like me. I know that sounds crazy. I've had depression and anxiety for a long time and was raped and in the end even though my dad is no longer here, I don't want to give in to a sociopathic rapist that took a huge part of me away, I don't want to let him win over my dad.
As you might already know, I'm the last surviving member of my family, so it's obviously not family that's keeping me alive. So what's keeping me alive? The answer is it's Myself. I cannot waste the Ultimate Dream that came true for me last year. So even though life still daunts me, I have to stay alive.
When I look back in retrospect, I see that my past PAIN was actually partly responsible for helping me make my dream come true. So maybe pain is "good."
When I look back in retrospect, I see that my past PAIN was actually partly responsible for helping me make my dream come true. So maybe pain is "good."
I’m here for somewhere to release some of the words in my head knowing that someone will read them. I’m also here for companionship. I like to see and hear from familiar people. This is a place where I am no one else but me and within reason I can say whatever I want or sometimes need to say. I don’t believe in the after life so that doesn’t bother me. I do have to be reminded of my family and how they would feel if I went. I was told today that I live most of the time running on my emotional brain which is irrational and unpredictable. She’s not wrong. 
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No its not family Im hanging onto this painful life for. Its the curiousity what is going to happen tomorrow for me. Being homeless before, being in a bad car accident that could have taken my life in a blink of an eye, fighting to survive knowing I am not letting death take over right now. Right now life keeps changing, the impossible has become the possible. Nothing is too predictable for me anymore. Im too curious to see what happens next. Why should I close the adventure in my book and be in a hurry to die? What for? Death is a final act in your story called life. Death is forever.
Definitely here for the ride. Ride or die. Dont really care if family there or not. Emotionally have not been there for me. Even when called and called about the COVID thing. They are just there not here at the same time. Maybe its the COVID thing tonight thats tripping me out. Morality at worksite with this taking some of us down. None of us are dying just yet.
Take Care
Definitely here for the ride. Ride or die. Dont really care if family there or not. Emotionally have not been there for me. Even when called and called about the COVID thing. They are just there not here at the same time. Maybe its the COVID thing tonight thats tripping me out. Morality at worksite with this taking some of us down. None of us are dying just yet.
Take Care
Nah, nothing I really do is ever for friends and family even if I love them to bits. If I choose to live because of them and their decisions gets bad, then it’ll be too late and no one will ever take the blame for you. I live because I want to. I want to take care of myself better and be more happier and healthier person. I’d still be the who does all the work to get better.
Agree to not understand each other at all, then. 
But I’d go ahead... It just means that I know they’d miss us if we are gone but that doesn’t mean they will take all the responsibilities of our issues if our life are not entirely happy. Only you yourself control your own happiness. Just know, there’ll always be support and listening ears and this is also why therapist/counsellors etc isn’t meant to really fix your whole life.
Very good post, Fish. Love it, love it. You mentioned the word "adventure." That's how I see life too, because of the strange unexpected twists and turns that have happened to me.
And, Glory Be, you said that the Impossible becomes Possible. That's what happened to me too when my Impossible Dream came true last December 2019. So even though I still have struggles, it's worth it when the impossible comes true-- which it has.
And, Glory Be, you said that the Impossible becomes Possible. That's what happened to me too when my Impossible Dream came true last December 2019. So even though I still have struggles, it's worth it when the impossible comes true-- which it has.