Taking control of other living things fate *may trigger you*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Anonymous Dude, Apr 26, 2009.

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  1. Anonymous Dude

    Anonymous Dude Well-Known Member

    I actually came into chat and the subject of bugs came up and people were talking about how to handle them...But I played everything down and joked around as everyone was..

    Just before I entered chat I really felt like killing something (other than my cat :mellow:). I wanted to feel in control of somethings life, I wanted to end it. I've been killing my cats fleas by watching them drown in the toilet and today I was looking at videos depicting people ending their own life (I talked about this specifically to my therapist and I found a good attitude in her office). I have also been killing spiders in the back yard and it feels good to think of more ways to extract more pain when I find more. Also my cat brought a live lizard into my house (hmm...maybe two days ago) and I was afraid to kill it myself, my mom eventually just let it go but I was yelling "LET HIM KILL IT" with so much passion and I argued it was in his nature. When I was very little my pet lizard seemed sick and it wouldn't eat...it took so much courage to muster up before I ended it's life with a pair of scissors to the neck. I cried then at the loss of my pet and i still remember the mouth opening and closing on the kitchen floor after being cut off, it disturbed me then just to get rid of the body.

    These thoughts feel so sick but they are there and I like to acknowledge them as existing outside of my own head.

    I would love a second perspective here because I can't let it boil over in my mind, I don't like feeling like a creepy animal executioner. The issue in itself is disturbing me
  2. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    hiya anonymous,

    I can understand the need to take control of life and all aspects of it.

    somtimes it feels like its all run away from you and your being left behind and want to grab a hold before its gone completly.

    Is it the control you like? or maybe the power,,,,,,,,

    somtimes i get the desire to crush life, literaly crush it beneathe my feet of in my hands, mostly in anger and frustration but the feelings are there
  3. Anonymous Dude

    Anonymous Dude Well-Known Member

    This is it exactly. It's the control, that I can effect life itself for an entire being by ending it or simply let the creature live. At the moment I am afraid to die but it is inevitable, this fact controls my day. How many people died before I got the chance to live....a damn lot :laugh:

    I will die and this statement haunts me all day, so I find things to occupy my time here. I am stuck in this space at this particular time until I go to bed and it starts all over.

    From my favorite show Lost:

    It feels terrible to be that fool :blink::mad:
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    have you heard of the poem 'education for leisure'? reminds me of your post. not entirely but your post reminded me of the poem. it's on the net if you're interested.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Uhhh, this is a little disturbing so far, as the ones above seem to take a lot of pleasure in killing or inflicting pain while in a position of power. I was a little kid, say maybe 8-10 when I stepped on a few ants but I didn't feel great about it.

    If this is going on well into the teens, I think there's a problem with it!
  6. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    Wow.. Thats sad, and incredibly cruel. I hope you some how fix your problem and leave the poor animals alone.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree you need to seek some therapy for this.. Trying to kill for the fun of it and the power it gives you isn't right..
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I agree with the last few posts. This is cruel and scary, and you really need to seek some help for it.
  9. rubbella

    rubbella Member

    believe me the last thing you want to do is take someones life other then small insects...
    unless you have a really good arguement or reason its wrong to kill out of joy...
    (i dont mean to be harsh... srry in advance)
  10. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    I would certainly seek some help. Speaking out of experience, when I was young 5 - 10 years old, I was incredibly cruel to animals and would watch them die. I'm thoroughly ashamed to this day (i'm now 36) and quite often when people talk about the subject, as on this post, it brings back bad memories. I don't think it has damaged me in anyway, but with others it may do.

    On a further point, and i'm sure this does not apply to you; people who are later in life diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, among other things are cruel to animals. Not me though:smile:
  11. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    generally statistics show that people begin by hurting animals, then eventually move on to people.

    Please get some help, hurting animals, people, even bugs is cruel. Relishing the cruelty is cause for concern.
  12. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    Information for you...
    When lizards are getting ready to shed their skin, they stop eating and will act listless for a period of days...
    So the pet you killed may have been fine, just growing up a little.
    Now a question...
    Can you see that the ultimate control is over how you live your life? It is a bigger challenge than controlling others.
  13. Dubstepper

    Dubstepper Staff Alumni

    i still cant deal with talking about killing creatures out of kindness for them. i had to deal with a cat that got hit by a car...

    do you realize what that will do to your mental state?

    after that, i realized just where my power in life stands...

    outta the middle of the DAMN street (of life)
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