this is stupid, this is not a reason to die but now i can stop killing myself in my mind again and again each day and i would no longer suffer from some happy dreams over dosed <mod edit: method> just now, i dont know, it might work and it might not, it never worked before anyway was punching kicking the wall feeling stupid, thrown away like yesterday's newspaper again. my throat is dry, none is around but i have to keep my volume down this s a student residence, i ve been away from home for 6 years i make my friends feel good but who i trusted ruined me again and again every time i got hurt i try to accept and move on and trust more the next time only open myself to more idiotic stuff i can't stop me from believing in people believing in their scencere hope and wishes but i can't do this anymore hit my limit i have nothing more to give 20 years wasted love why love has to turn into indifference and hatred and this craziness never gonna end i read the suicide preventing stuff you people are cool coming up with all these helps i can withstand many things, including physical pain or whatever, i can go to work while being seriously sick but i think this is it and dont want a future i might have a brain to succeed in career i might be able to help somebody if i live on but i dont wish for it because i ve taken out too much of my soul this time too much of it goes into this single person who doesnt really know what's going on with me or who doesnt care anyway the shell has to crack this HAS TO END DAMN IT... i ve made this sound as mild as possible i dont want nobody to make fun of me i m not some attention seeking idiot dont be a hypocrite giving me a 'hand' just to push me down later on gonna explode too much blood in me lol marching right into hell i guess if there is one was actually thinking about send them a msg before i do everything since they can actually be on time carving out my organs for transplant ahahaha damn singapore government suck me dry leave your words to my mail firstname.lastname@example.org flaming is welcomed too, since i dont give a fuck about nothing any more, i ll laugh at you while you re laughing at me. all freaking problems solved so relieved no longer need to wait for some fucking permission to die. i m a mistake of your freaky marriage mom and dad! kids in your family all end up like this i ll never escape this! ahaha =D just laugh harder and harder remember this . laugh. ugly or not just laugh! no more 'last words' just let me count the remaining hours.