Taking responsiblity

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sadeyes, May 19, 2013.

  1. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I was physically ill from a text I received from a 'good' friend today. Immediately, I listed all of her shortcomings and why I have to distance myself from her. Later I read a statement from the Dalai Lama which reminded me that I should spend my time seeing what I contributed and changing that. With few exceptions, when there is difficulty interacting with anyone, both parties contribute to the 'rupture'. How quick I am to see the weaknesses of others. I realized, I better turn that mirror around and see what I did...I am ashamed, but I will be better for admitting it, and when I feel a little stronger, I will take responsibility for my contributions...growing pains hurt!
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Important lessons for all of us - accepting responsibility and blame when it is ours and forgiving ourselves after that.....
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Something I can state that I agree with. And when it's come from a source such as the Dalai Lama, it has potential to have a wider level of respect.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    How odd, I had a similar thing last night, though not from any particular occurence and Jesus's words wafted in my ear:

    Luke 6:41,42
    And why behold you the mote that is in your brother's eye, but perceive not the beam that is in your own eye...
  5. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    Looking mindfully at one's own part of an interaction often leads to seeing...

    “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.”

    ~Thic Nhat Hanh
  6. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    The only thing you can change is you. I'm glad you were able to take the high road and take your own responsibility. Not a lot of people do that.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Pancake, all other roads are a 'dead end', both metaphorically, and quite literally regarding the degree rage and isolation contributes to depressive states...and Terry, I think there is a lot of universality to this experience...Important and T, I agree...we can only change ourselves, if at all, but time spent anywhere else, except when one truly has to protect one's self, is time wasted...it was liberating to understand that what she was doing was not directed towards me, yes, she was being sloppy and lacked grace in how she was doing things, but it was my fault to internalize what she was saying as an accurate reflection of me...good lesson learned
  8. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I am going to be a discordant voice here. It is almost a year since a friend became furiously angry with me for something I hadn't said. I knew why she needed to be angry with someone who didn't matter. She was very upset that something she'd wanted to happen in her life didn't. She was sad as well as angry. Also her finances were less because of her decision. After her angry words she immediately cut me out of her life. It still hurts.
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Theodora, your example supports my position that we cannot change others, and can only work on ourselves...people have issues and we either accept or reject them in our lives as they are...being angry does not mean the end of any relationship...many times our ego determines our actions...to me, what I am trying to achieve in life, is what if that does not matter? What if you accuse me of something I did not do and I feel sad for you? Yes, people are sloppy when interacting, and probably she did not want to interact with you and could not be more direct. I had a potentially similar situation yesterday...someone presumed to have told me something, which I feel sure she did not...it was highly wasteful for me to go to my office two hours earlier...she stated she had told me...my response was that there must have been a mis-communication which could happen to anyone and I am sorry for that...she immediately put down the hostility and thanked me...I find that when I can rise above my ego, and get to the truer issues, my ability to interact is much easier
  10. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    You say that being angry does not mean the end of a relationship. It did in my case because as I was gently telling her that I hadn't said what she'd claimed she said "Right." Then turned round and stormed off. She followed this with an angry text and a letter telling me she was having nothing more to do with me.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What I am saying, is that when someone is angry and the both parties wish to repair the relationship, it is quite doable as long as egos are not the determining factor...I also said that some people extricate themselves from relationships very poorly...it depends upon the maturity and well being of both parties...often times, my friends/associates and I agree to disagree...from there we can move on without resentment