Taking the first step...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by painwell, Oct 11, 2010.

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  1. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hi all. I'm here because I need help and want to try to build a support network to keep me from doing something bad. I'm 40 and have suffered from extreme depression all my life. My daughter is now going through rough times and is into SI. I feel like its my fault, like my craziness is heriditary. I just don't know where to turn anymore. I will post more later but my wife and daughter just got home.

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2010
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Mark...and welcome...what a burden you carry to think you are the cause of your daughter's SI...is she getting treatment for this? are you getting the care you need? I hope you find the support and caring you deserve...please let us know what is going on for you and how we can help...big hugs, J
  3. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks for the warm welcome Sadeyes. This site seems like a great resource!
  4. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome to the site ! i hope you will get the support here that you need, everyone here is friendly. sorry to hear about your situation, must be really tough with your daughter.... does she talk to you about it ?
  5. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    No, I don't think she knows. I try to keep it bottled up and hidden from her and my wife. I am old fashioned in the thought that the man of the house has to be a pillar for everyone to lean on and that I am not allowed to show weakness, when in reality all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry.
  6. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    do you think it makes it worse that you dont talk about the situation ? im only asking because my father also keeps everything bottled up and never talks about how he feels, and sometimes it can be realy hard.

    its nice to have you here Mark, hope we can help you out , theres always someone here you can talk to.
  7. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yeah, I definitely think it makes it worse... its almost like leading a double life. On one hand I have to be the cheerful dad, while on the otherhand I just want to stop hurting forever. Its like walking a tightrope and trying to to fall off. :( I wonder if your dad feels the same way?
  8. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    me too, but i guess i'll never find out...
  9. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    Are you able to talk openly with your dad? Maybe it would help for him to hear that you care about him and are worried. I am basing this off my own feelings and thought processes though... so please take any advice I give with a grain of salt...
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Mark... It's one thing to be a pillar but when your mental health is failing you no longer have that strength to hold it up.. You should seek a therapist..
  11. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    no. its quite hard, it seems like my father is really emotionless , but i know that on the inside hes going through hell. and there is no way i can help. he hides his feelings and sometimes expects me to know what he is feeling, and gets angry when i dont. he is the kind of person that always pretends that everything is fine, that he is okay, that he can cope. he is a very proud man, so i think if he showed any weakness, he would feel like he let himself down..

    and i appreciate your advice, whatever you say, it seems like you really know what you are talking about.
  12. painwell

    painwell Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks for the kind words! I'm no wiser than the next person, I've just lived alot in my time on earth, and have had alot of experiences.

    Alot of men still live by the 'old' rules, which is good AND bad. Good examples including holding the door for a lady, keeping your word when you give it, and never ever ever striking a lady. Bad examples (the ones that are currently tripping up your dad and I) include : Never ever show emotion. Ever. Be the soul provider for our family, enough so that the ladies in the family don't have to work. Never admit weakness or cry.

    Alot of these things are old fashioned, but we continue to cling to them, as these were the 'rules' passed down from our dads, grandfathers, etc. It's a very hard behaviour pattern to break, as we are taught these things at a young age...

    Perhaps if you wrote your dad a letter and gave it to him to read in private? This way he could express his emotions without feeling guilt or shame for showing them? Just an idea. Whatever you do, please don't give up. He needs you more than you'll ever know. Everyone thinks that men want male children, but I can honestly say that we will fight to the death for our daughters.

    I just went back and read this. I said 'alot' alot! lol
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