Talk me out of it

I'm a 23 year old guy soon to be 24. I have been planning to commit suicide for a while now and have a date and plan in mind. On September 14th I plan on taking my motorcycle out on a near by 4 lane highway and get going fairly fast on the inside lane and go until I meet up with a semi truck coming in the other direction when I will vear over into it's lane at the last minute. The date is just a random date I chose just to get thing in order before I do it. The method I hope will come off as an accident. As for my reasons why I don't have any that are overly dramatic. I did reciently get denied acceptance into my program of choice at university. There is a girl who I like and asked out a few times only to be turned down although we are good friends. I don't make a lot of money but I manage. I do not want to end up getting a job I do not want and hate and stay in a town I can't stand. I do not feel like living to an old age when it is just in a life I can't stand and find boring. I feel my life has no direction. I have in the past been a heavy drinker but I have since quit and have not drank in over 2 years. But I do miss my drunken states when I just was so drunk I didn't care about stuff. There is also cases of depression in my family and I have had friends tell me I sometime appear to have a bi-polar personality. I reciently hear of someone I knew and thought highly of dying in a car crash. I thought this seemed like a nice way to die with a nice bang. I also thought that even though this person will be missed he would also not have to worry about much, and by dying at the early age that he did (32) he will more likely be remembered by his friends more that if he lived to an old age. I have started to slowly give away my possessions and even distancing myself from people who I know it will affect the most. I decided to rarly talk to my family members and see my friends, the ones that insiste on seeing me I intentionly cause arguments with and tell them to leave me alone to they will distance themselves from me. I have not and will not tell them what I am planning. I also refuse to get help elsewhere. This is maybe just a chance for maybe someone to help me. I feel like I for some reason at least owe myself some sort of a chance of help even if it is as minimal as this. I also feel I like this could be a way of letting people about my death not being an accident but actually a suicide if they are just willing to look. Also don't go on about god, I'm in no way regelious and even if I was I'm just going to go to hell by your standards anyways.

 

What about the truck driver...?

Anyway. Time is on your side. You have a motorbike, some cash and youth. You don't want to stay where you are..? Well...erm...don't. Go and see the world. (unless you've already done that, but theres always more world to see..) Take a break from the place where these things have happened to you lately. As for uni- you can reapply, if you really want it, you will find a way, and you dont have to do it right now. Sorry about your friend, that's terrible and it hurts when that stuff happens. I hope this advice doesn't sound crap, you actually sound like you have alot going for you...

 

Sounds like you have depression (low-level chronic depression or dysthymia?) to me, although I am no expert. Some of the meds for this are mild, few or no side effects and are actually better for your body than depression is, which messes up your immune system. It is sure worth trying. If you get on the one/ones that are right for you, you might find that your entire outlook on life changes. You might feel a lot stronger (emotionally) and want to live again. If you don't like the town you are in, just move away. There is a whole world out there with so many possibilities. Please don't give up!!! Keep writing here on this forum to keep up your strength and get ideas and support.

 

How do you know that method will work? You could survive it and end up with horrific disabilities trust me as a student nurse I have seen it. What about the poor truck driver how guilty will he feel if he hits you? You say you owe yourself some sort of help well why dont you go to a doctor? You say you hate your town and your life has no direction. Is moving town an option and starting a new life. If you have nothing now you wont lose anything by moving?? You can apply to another university and see how that goes. You control your life you can change it. Im sorry you lost your friend that is awful. Im sorry you feel so bad but I really think if you got yourself some proper help and did a bit of soul searching you will feel so much differently. Killing yourself is definately not the best option here.

 

What if the truck driver was convicted and was confined in jail for the rest of his life? What if he was accused and fired for being careless and got criminal records which would stigmatize him forever? What if he has children to tale care of and no one would ever hire him again?

 

Clearly that method would work. However, I, too, am worried about the truck driver. He might well feel guilty for the rest of his life. While I do not think you should kill yourself, I absolutely do not think that you should involve others.

You are 24. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take off and reinvent yourself. Stay where you are and apply yourself. I do not think, at your age and in your situation, that suicide is an answer.