talk or not talk?
- Thread starter poisonedresistance
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Hun not talking does not make it go away it stays inside you and builds up or it comes back at you when you least expect it. Talking about things gives you the control the power to move forward in your life Not backwards One should always try though to talk to a professional okay because then the talk is control in a manner all the pain does not come out at once Talk is has to be hun but at your pace okay when YOUR ready hugs
Thanks Sadeyes and totaleclipse
sometimes it just gets so overwhelming and i have no one else i can really talk to,,,I use the forum alot for this just lately.
even those you are closest too are sometimes ,,,,, well they sometimes they dont see.
I do need to talk about this stuff,,,i need to do something before I explode I think.
ive never SH'd in the manner or to the degree I am doing now, Its wreck-less ,, but gives me the mental energy to block stuff out,,,, sometimes you cant just forgive and forget and move along,,,, especially when everything is so uncertain.
I do need to talk,,,,,but,,,,,
im afraid ill crumble if i do.
my silence is my strength
my smile is my wall
sometimes it just gets so overwhelming and i have no one else i can really talk to,,,I use the forum alot for this just lately.
even those you are closest too are sometimes ,,,,, well they sometimes they dont see.
I do need to talk about this stuff,,,i need to do something before I explode I think.
ive never SH'd in the manner or to the degree I am doing now, Its wreck-less ,, but gives me the mental energy to block stuff out,,,, sometimes you cant just forgive and forget and move along,,,, especially when everything is so uncertain.
I do need to talk,,,,,but,,,,,
im afraid ill crumble if i do.
my silence is my strength
my smile is my wall
To go back to an earlier post of yours - 'my silence is my strength'.
I disagree.
Silence is like putting more tension on a rubber band - eventually it will snap back and hurt - silence does not deal with things - only delays them. Like Sadeyes - I get a kind of relief from disclosing, there are different levels of disclosure - some are candid and gory details jobs, other times it's an almost a flippancy in disclosure - whether the person takes it on board is not dependent on the nature of the conversation.
I disagree.
Silence is like putting more tension on a rubber band - eventually it will snap back and hurt - silence does not deal with things - only delays them. Like Sadeyes - I get a kind of relief from disclosing, there are different levels of disclosure - some are candid and gory details jobs, other times it's an almost a flippancy in disclosure - whether the person takes it on board is not dependent on the nature of the conversation.
I agree with you both there, silence does feel like a rubber band, but so can disclosure sometimes. if you disclose something or explain the hurt and the recipient doesn't care and acts flippantly then it increases the hurt and tightens the band.
Im at a loss,,, i dont know what to do, im left second guessing which is tearing me apart inside.
This isnt all that I am but it is consuming me.
Like a cloud of hurt, anger and rage I just cant gt rid of.
taking time out helps sometimes, SH helps other times but their effect is so brief.
I want to crash, its like i need to crash to smash the fucking walls down inside.
but beyond them,,,,,,, maybe its just a hollowness, a void I cannot fill
then ill be lost
Im at a loss,,, i dont know what to do, im left second guessing which is tearing me apart inside.
This isnt all that I am but it is consuming me.
Like a cloud of hurt, anger and rage I just cant gt rid of.
taking time out helps sometimes, SH helps other times but their effect is so brief.
I want to crash, its like i need to crash to smash the fucking walls down inside.
but beyond them,,,,,,, maybe its just a hollowness, a void I cannot fill
then ill be lost
sometimes there's no choice though,,,,,
its like I manage to get myself into some right messes.
believe me, if there's a way to cock something up, ill manage to do it in grand style.
I swear I shouldn't be allowed to associate with the outside world.
it can take years for it to dawn on me what it was that I instigated or fucked up,,, I'm so slow in that regard its unreal.
give me logic and Ill flow like a river, give me an emotion and its like I explode like a nuke:later:
maybe i blow everything up till its so big I can neither see past it or deal with it,, i dunno
inside I can get messed up so easily, logically if things are where they are supposed to be and behaving like they are supposed to i'm fine, i know what is what and how to feel,,,,
You add randomness and actions that could be perceived in a way contrary to that equation and i start questioning everything.
Anything else that comes along that's contrary to the original thought or emotion or response will compound and then I question everything.
im very structured and often it doesn't work well in the world, either that or it helps me to see past certain things and people dont like it.
i loose either way
its like I manage to get myself into some right messes.
believe me, if there's a way to cock something up, ill manage to do it in grand style.
I swear I shouldn't be allowed to associate with the outside world.
it can take years for it to dawn on me what it was that I instigated or fucked up,,, I'm so slow in that regard its unreal.
give me logic and Ill flow like a river, give me an emotion and its like I explode like a nuke:later:
maybe i blow everything up till its so big I can neither see past it or deal with it,, i dunno
inside I can get messed up so easily, logically if things are where they are supposed to be and behaving like they are supposed to i'm fine, i know what is what and how to feel,,,,
You add randomness and actions that could be perceived in a way contrary to that equation and i start questioning everything.
Anything else that comes along that's contrary to the original thought or emotion or response will compound and then I question everything.
im very structured and often it doesn't work well in the world, either that or it helps me to see past certain things and people dont like it.
i loose either way
i cry at the slightest thing,,,, its so annoying,, makes me feel so pathetic.
or i get angry,, then i cant cope and need a **release**
cant talk to anyone about it,,,,,, socially im walled but in the right places to give off a strong persona, its built up over the years so as not to leave me vulnerable to attack.
problem is i feel like a pot boiling over.
wish some fucker would turn down the heat.
or i get angry,, then i cant cope and need a **release**
cant talk to anyone about it,,,,,, socially im walled but in the right places to give off a strong persona, its built up over the years so as not to leave me vulnerable to attack.
problem is i feel like a pot boiling over.
wish some fucker would turn down the heat.
I understand the need to talk and noone really there to understand. For me it's better if I don't talk, I don't trust people, even those who proved trustworthy, that's just because everything affects me so much, and even them seem not to care. But I tell them some stuff anyway and then feel even worse, one more reason to be vulnerable.
I don't know what could help, I know the place but I never figure out how it works, to get out of it for a while... Keep talking to us... keep writing... I hope you get through this.
I don't know what could help, I know the place but I never figure out how it works, to get out of it for a while... Keep talking to us... keep writing... I hope you get through this.
Thanks Sais,
i totally get where your coming from with that, i hate feeling vulnerable though, takes me back to a time I never want to re-visit.
I am figuring out I dont actually have to say it directly to be able to say it,,, if that makes any sense.
I like talking to people and venting but I have to be careful what I say openly. Another path into my vulnerable squishy bit, which i dont much like.
Its so hard when i feel like i'm on this roller coaster with no-one at the helm and the tracks invisible so i haven't a clue whats coming.
i totally get where your coming from with that, i hate feeling vulnerable though, takes me back to a time I never want to re-visit.
I am figuring out I dont actually have to say it directly to be able to say it,,, if that makes any sense.
I like talking to people and venting but I have to be careful what I say openly. Another path into my vulnerable squishy bit, which i dont much like.
Its so hard when i feel like i'm on this roller coaster with no-one at the helm and the tracks invisible so i haven't a clue whats coming.
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