Talking myself into staying alive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aloner, Feb 9, 2008.

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  1. aloner

    aloner Active Member

    The idea of living the rest of my life is too depressing to think about. People say "You're 22! You've got your whole life ahead of you!" Like that's supposed to cheer me up. I don't even want to live one more day!

    I just keep telling myself that if it doesn't work out I can always kill myself later. Every day I think that maybe I could stay alive just one more day, maybe a week even. But the urge is always there and growing stronger as I become more and more lost. I admit I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

    I've slipped into a hole that I cannot climb out of alone. I can either keep falling until I hit the bottom or I can just give up before it gets any worse.

    I have no friends left and my family is mad at me. All I've got is myself and I've been trying to kill myself. How can I ever hope to survive this when I don't have a reason or the strength to do it?
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2008
  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Hey aloner, sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. If you do not have something you need the only thing to do is to get it. Everyone needs a reason to live, everyone would be suicidal if they did not have one. For a lot of people, including myself, friends and ambition are the answer. Motivation generates strength, find that and you may be surprised what you can do. I read somewhere that some people had some guys run a few miles to the point where they were near collapsing only to tell them upon reaching the goal that they had to turn around and run back. Surprisingly, they were able to. Even when you think you have used up every last bit of your strength, the body always seems to have just a little bit more left.
  3. aloner

    aloner Active Member

    It's hopeless. I live in the gutter. There are no jobs here and I don't know how I'll pay for school if and when I want to go back. Everyone around here sells drugs or lives on welfare and I don't want to be like those people. I want to do something good for this place but I don't know how! The things I see every day break my heart and I'm helpless to rise above them :(
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    You sound like like a very kind person, aloner. I think if you want to help your neighborhood though, you'll have to help yourself first. Maybe you could grab a newspaper and flick through the classifieds and see if anything comes up, or make your own ad looking for a small job for some pocket money. There is no rush, just move at your own pace and with a little luck you may just be able to pay for school. There are a lot of community colleges that will accept anyone of 18 years of age, if there is one near you you could attend, get good grades and use them to transfer with a scholarship later down the road. Whatever you choose, I think it should be something to help you first, it is only then that you can help the less fortunate around you.
  5. aloner

    aloner Active Member

    I will try. I've decided to try and make it through this week. I'm hoping against reason that maybe I will be different by the end of it. It's so hard to change, like there is no stopping it. I fear that things will just get worse and worse until one day I just break.

    Really wanting to go buy some pills and booze right now. My demons and I are having a standoff. I go through this every...single...night. I'm just so tired. I want it to stop.
  6. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    You should sleep on it, it'll help clear your head; making a decision when your sleep deprived and not in the right state of mind is a bad idea.
  7. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    What Digital Angel said. You're stressed out, there's no need to do it all right away. Take your time, get a good night's sleep and take a look at things in the clearer light of morning. Tomorrow is Sunday anyway, if you don't attend church just sleep in and relax. Take a nice long shower in the morning and attack your problems feeling a bit more refreshed.
  8. goodbye pork pie hat

    goodbye pork pie hat Active Member

    aloner, we talked in chat and you seemed like a really good guy. you really cheered me up :biggrin: . i'm really sorry you're feeling so bad and i hope you can make it through this... if you ever wanna pm me, you can. :-o

    A little brutal, but one of the truest quote's i have ever read.
    Don't know who wrote it though.
  10. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't let your demons win. Things will change for the better, you have to believe and fight for that change.
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