Talking to a psychiatrist

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Regenesis, Mar 27, 2009.

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  1. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    I phoned today a psychiatrist and made an apointment for tomorrow(which is 100$:unsure:).I talked to him a litle at the phone and he told me I might have schizophrenia or be bipolar.
    As some of you know,I had my account disabled and received warnings for attacking women,and saying in posts that I want them to die because i hate them.But this is not my only obsesion.Actually,I have more then one at a time.
    Here is what I talked to him:
    He told me to describe every obsesion that I had in my life,and which of them persist today.
    My first obsesion appeared when I was about 11 years old,and that was to kill my parents.I was hearing voices in my head that were telling me to kill them.I somehow managed to surpress this thought,and tried to ignore the voice.
    So the voice telling me to kill my parents disapeared.
    Later,when I was 13,I started to see sex as anormal.In the first stage,I hated both men and women because they are having sex.After a few months,my hate for men disapeared,and was increased over women.Then,for about an year I hated women a lot and wanted to see them dead.But,when I came close to 15 years old,I managed to convince myself to ignore them and not care for them,instead of wanting to kill them.
    But these were not my only thoughts.I also developed an intense fear of hell,which ultimately forced me to become atheist.This was happening when I was around 12 years old.
    Another one was an intense fear of monsters,which even if it was normal when I was litle,it increased and became some kind of phobia,and made me terified with zombies.
    Another obsesion was the fear of being alone for life and never have a gf.This made me really depresed and made me try to kill myself 3 times.
    Now,for the present part:
    I stoped having suicidal feelings by accepting that is better to stay alone,never have a gf or sex and that is better to be just me and my PC.Unfortunatly,in order for me to convince myself,I had to start to hate women again.But now its a diferent hate.I don't hate them because they are having sex,and I don't hate them all(as I did in the first stage).Now I only hate those that I am sexually atracted to.The psychiatrist said that I may hate those that I feel atracted to,because I feel like I will never have them,so my subconstient tells me that if I can't have them,then no-one will,so this makes me wanting to kill them.What is worse is the fact that now I don't only want to kill them,but I want to torture them before finishing them off.
    Another obsesion is the fear of hell,which persisted over the years.Even If it comes in short bursts(1-2 weeks) it totally ruines my mood.But when its gone I become a convinced atheist,and I just say whatever,I'll see the truth after I die,and don't care that much.
    Another one that comes in short bursts is the fear of monsters(basicly zombies).It lasts for 4-5 days,and then disapears.But during those days I stay all day in fear that night is comming and some zombie will eat me alive.I can't sleep those nights and I always have the impresion that some stupid zombie will come from the dark.
    So these are my current 3 obsesions:
    The stationary one is the hate for women,and the ones that come in short bursts are the fear of hell and fear of monsters.
    Of course,I also consider myself useless,looser and all that.
    The psychiatrist leans more towards schizophrenia,because I heard those voices when I was litle.
    And it seems that schizophrenia has many forms and can persist after I stoped hearing voices.So even If I stoped hearing voices,this doesn't mean I don't have schizophrenia.
    I will see tomorow what he says,but I really hope I dont have such a mental disease.
    PS:I strugled for about 2 years to lose weight,and now,for about 1 year I look great,but unfortunatly this hasen't changed the opinions I have about me.But at least I can walk on street without being ashamed anymore :D
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2009
  2. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Hey fella, good luck with the psychiatrist appointment, it's shame you have to pay though. Reading through your post I see similar symptoms to myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 about 3 years ago, prior to that they thought I too was schizophrenic. I have heard my voices for the past 17 years (3 of them) and they urge me to do things also. I am no longert traumatised by what they say nowadays. I too had obsessions, not like yours though. I went trough a period of attacking stangers if I thought they were reading my mind. If you get prescribed some heavy duty medication, even though you might want to resist taking them due to side affects, I would urge you to stick with them.

    Good luck
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