Talking to myself [10]

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AnguishExistence, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    If anyone on here volunteers for a crisis hotline- whether it be text or phone calls- do not use it as a means to find a date.

    Last night, thoughts of death filled my head more and more every second I was awake. I have to use the text line because I can't speak out what I want to say or what I need to say. She wasn't listening to anything I told her and her fucking advice was to play Pokémon Go or walk or exercise. That would be great advice... IF ONE MESSAGE BEFORE THAT I TOLD HER THAT NORMALLY TO GET OUT OF THESE THOUGHTS I WALK, I PLAY GAMES OR DRAW, BUT I CAN'T WHEN I GET LIKE THIS. NOTHING WORKS AND I JUST WANT MY MIND TO CALM DOWN. That's not fucking listening, man. That's like telling me I'm not trying hard enough. I told her I needed to just talk to someone. To get things off my chest. All she did was ask me for my fucking name and assume I was a guy. Which is no big deal, so I corrected her about my sex and gender and she ended the fucking line.

    Let's get it clear, if someone comes to you for help, if someone's telling you the things they normally do to calm down isn't working, you fucking listen to them or at least be honest and say you can't help them and direct them to someone else who can. I just needed to talk. I just needed to know I am not a worthless piece of crap and she did just the opposite of that. I told her specifically I just needed someone to talk to... and she left me there, guys. She just left me there. It's not the first time I used the text line, but it's the first time someone ended the conversation because I am not a guy. I cried myself to sleep while everyone was in the next room laughing and having a good time. Now my head hurts and this is all I can think about.

    If you volunteer for crisis line... don't be an asshole. Don't be selfish.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    Here if you want to talk now:)
     
    AnguishExistence likes this.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you were not heard the greatest thing somone can do for someone is to listen to them and acknowledge that they hear their suffering not all crisis people are unkind i do hope if you try again you will get someone who will take time to listen
     
    AnguishExistence likes this.
  4. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    I feel like I'm nothing. As if I've done something so bad that I am seen as nothing more than a spec on the face of the Earth. I don't exist to anybody unless I'm anonymous. I don't see much of a use for living and I don't believe people have a purpose. I used to believe that, but not so much anymore. Though when we help one another out lives are better. People don't care about much of anything that is broken and I feel that. Always lied to, always hurting and broken. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to die. I just want my head to stop. I want it to calm down for once. To stop overthinking and bringing thoughts to mind. I wish I was apathetic to be honest. I know that sounds stupid, but I wish my mind would just... stop giving me so many thoughts that do nothing but hurt me. I don't know how to deal anymore.
     
  5. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    It's crazy because I know that not all are like that. I know that some people care. Just that there are so many people who don't. So many people who don't want to care and just like to be jerks or like to be with broken people that they miss how much someone is going through. It really sucks, @total eclipse .
     
  6. iam

    iam SF Supporter

    Well for a start your not nothing. I don't know you but I do understand how your feeling. My mind tortures me all the time and I overthink everything until I make myself ill. I think you were unlucky when you called the crisis line and I think if you tried again you would get someone more helpful. If you just need someone to listen, just message me whenever you want. Hugs. People do care about you
     
  7. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    Thank you and I appreciate it. I know not everyone is like that, as I said I've used the line a couple of times and this is a first [for that specific line]. I just want to be okay. Thank you for reaching out.
     
    iam likes this.
  8. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    And are you ok, because thats all that is important here right now.
     
  9. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    Better than last night, yes. Still working on it, but I think I will be okay. Thank you
     
  10. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    OK, good, take care and be safe.
     
  11. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    I will.
     
  12. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    So sorry about your experience with Crisis Hot Line-they're such a joke. I actually don't know anyone who has been helped by one. Most of the time you're being "helped" by someone who has never been afflicted with your torture-so how in the hell can relate to what you're talking about? They can't and it really shows. I know its of no help now-but I'm just sorry you got caught in the web of BS. It sounds like you're in a better space now-thankfully. I'll try to check SF more often if you ever want to vent to a fellow tortured soul-take care.
     
    SinisterKid likes this.
  13. AnguishExistence

    AnguishExistence Breathe. SF Author

    Thank you and well, I guess the best thing is that I ended up asleep and not anything worse. I still don't know what to do, but I am not like I was and that's a really good thing. Thank you for also reaching out.