Talking to the Doc's

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by -Chris-, Aug 31, 2009.

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  1. -Chris-

    -Chris- Member

    Hi everyone - I'm Chris - new here and this is my 1st post.

    When I was back in my 20's I tried to take my own life. I don't want to get back to that point as it was definitely my rock bottom. Lately I have been thinking how I just can't do this any longer, and, how it might be easier on everyone if I just disappeared. I have thought of how I would do it, where and the best time of the day/week. When I am going through these thoughts I actually feel a sense of calm. When I am thinking about it, I feel at peace, I guess it eases my mind to know that I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. But then later, after I've snapped out of it, I get really scared that I was seriously thinking that way. I get remorseful too and I feel ashamed.

    I have a problem talking to anyone about it, especially my doctors. I thought maybe this forum might help me with that. With my doctors, I tend to focus on my physical problems and downplay my emotional ones. I have had 2 failed back surgeries in the last couple years and I deal with a lot of pain everyday. I go through these Pain/Depression cycles, where the Pain makes me more depressed, and then the depression makes my pain worse. I also get these anxiety attacks (more like panic attacks) and the same thing happens. I have been dealing with these mental/physical cycles where each issue makes the other worse and it's like they now feed off each other. Aside from those issues, I just feel like such a burden.

    When I see my psyche, he just tells me to stick with the med's I'm on, try these relaxation techniques and he'll see me next month. My other doctors tell me I need to discuss my depression/anxiety issues with my psyche. I should probably tell my psyche about the thoughts that I've been having, but it's really hard. Maybe by starting here I can figure out how to do that. I hope this makes sense.

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    I think the fact that you don't like thinking those thoughts is a good sign. Like, you kinda still want to keep going. Hold onto stuff like that
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you should write down what your thoughts are and hand them to your psych next appt let him read them then see what he says. I have alot of pain and it does increase depression and vice verca Have you ask to see a pain specialist really please be open with psych so he or she can help you totally.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with violet, that you should write down your thoughts and let your shrink read them on your next appointment.. You need to bring those thoughts to the surface so he/she can help you to learn how to battle them..Tell him/her about the panic attacks also.. They can give you meds to help contol them.. I use to have panic attacks all the time and now that I am on meds for them they aren't so bad..
     
  5. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others here..write it down..especially if you clam up during your visit.If you only have one visit a month maybe you could increase them?Don't be afraid to be completely honest with your pdoc.Let him know "relaxation techniques and the a.d. are not enough". You shouldn't feel like a burden..you can't get well unless you get proper treatment in the first place.That is the job of your doctors...thats what they get paid for...and what they trained for...
    meanwhile glad you found us here;)
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Chris, welcome to the forums.

    Thers isn't much I can add to what's already been said, but if you need a friendly ear, feel free to drop me a line! :hug:
     
  7. -Chris-

    -Chris- Member

    Thanks for the welcome and all the good advise.

    I hadn't thought of writing things down and giving it to the Doc. Next time I slip into a deep one I plan on writing down what's going through my head. I'll let you guys know how that works out.

    I already take Ativan for the anxiety attacks. I think it helps as I don't have them as often. I also notice when I forget to take it I get them real bad too. I can talk to my Doc about that kind of stuff, it's the other that I have a wall up. But writing it down is a real good idea for me, so thanks everyone, it's much appreciated!
     
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