Tearing my own soul out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Eleventyone, Jul 2, 2012.

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  1. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    That's what I feel like doing. I don't really know how to describe this feeling other than to say it's an overwhelming desire to cause harm to myself. I'll feel like this sometimes, then the cold feeling of depression will sink in and I'll feel like killing myself anyway. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I am familiar with the down periods... The violent urges directed at myself are rather new, though. When I get these, I just imagine myself being killed over and over. I feel like hitting myself and sometimes I do, but for the most part I can resist. They keep getting worse and I don't think I'll be able to hold out.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you are feeling so low right now - but your understanding of the cause being rooted in your illness will help. I also want to say do not under estimate your own internal mental strength - it is only when you begin to doubt yourself that the thoughts get replaced by self destructive actions - simply knowing you are strong - which you so obviously are - may help you through this. Posting here may also help you sort out the difference between your feelings and your reality so that you can cope more effectively so do not be a stranger and let us know how your fight is going. We care. I care.
     
  3. tykata

    tykata Member

    I had to reply to this because I know this feeling, what you described means more than words to me, i've lived it. I've lived with Bipolar Disorder for a few years now, including self harm and failed suicides. But this isn't about me. What I want to put across is that I can empathise, when I claw at my head trying to silence the thoughts. I'm still here, putting together my life and fighting on. I hope this encourages you to do the same, life does get better. I know that we don't know the details of your life, but we all obviously share some common ground. To re-itterate the above "We care. I care." I understand the compulsion to hurt yourself believe me I do, the only control you have sometimes over your mood, but if you can please find another way to cope. I know that YOU are mentally strong enough, and you will endure and you things will get better. Maybe sometimes you may falter, but that is why we're here to help. Stay strong
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    1121`- I agree..... We care, I care. Know the reality of what you describe. ...... Have a read of "Would you like to be re-made?" Because, things can get better hun :)
     
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