Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by itmahanh, Oct 24, 2008.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    So damn close once again. Today I cant describe the emptiness. Death was so close! It's all I can see and feel now. Teased by people who pretended to be friends. Teased by those pretending to care. Teased by my own belief that nothing was going to go wrong this time. Teased by all the meds sitting right in front of me on the computer desk. Teased by death itself. Please I'm so so tired on every level that one can be tired. I want that rest now. It's all I see and think about today. Please, please stop teasing me and just let me die.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Itmahanh,
    We won't tease you. I think you know that. I have read your posts and you give good advice to others. I think it is time for you to take that advice and apply it to yourself. You need to love youself. Once others see your confidence they will be drawn to you.
    I know you have friends here on the forum because you didn't reply to others for a little while and they were very concerned about you. Why don't you take a day off and get out to nature somewhere and just enjoy the fresh air and all the little critters. I think the peace and quiet would do you good, no stress!! Take Care!!~Joseph~
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Carla. I'm sorry to hear that you feel like people are teasing you. I'd send you a pm saying that I care, but I'm under moderation and can't send pm's :sad: Please don't give up hope hun. You're loved by many people here. :hug:
  4. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Yes that is a great idea, go out and enjoy nature and the peacefulness of it, go on a holiday and treat yourelf you deserve it, and remember we here will never tease you.
    We love and care about you.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Again,
    Have you been taught coping skills by a therapist? Here are a couple I use:
    1)positive self talk
    2)visualization(picture yourself some where peaceful)
    3)controlled breathing(use #2 and 3 together )
    Those are the three I use all the time. There are more but I can't think of them right now. My thoughts are all jumbled up so it is hard for me to retain stuff.
    I hope you feel better soon!! I think you know that there are alot of people here who love you as a good friend!!! Take Care!!~Joseph~
  6. Tecky

    Tecky Well-Known Member

    itmahanh, I can understand how you feel. I have actually started a thread for us to rant about the condescending jerks in our lives. Somewhere in the 'Let it all out...' forum I think...

    This line has probably been used too often already, but I want to say we are all here for each other. So feel free to rant about anything going on in your life. It is sad, but the truth is, many people out there don't understand depression. They think it is something we can just 'snap out of' with some simple breathing techniques and positive thinking! Screw them I say.

  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Carla I understand what you mean by the teasing. It is not meant to be that way, yet when all your mind can see is one goal and you are not allowed to achieve it it feels like everything and everyone has turned against you. Remember those thoughts and feeling come from this dreaded illness. They are what your mind perceives because of it and is not in truth the reality of things. You are loved by and cared for by many, and that is why we cannot let you go. You may see that as selfish on our part, and maybe it is. I know i hope for a better life for you. That life is among the living. To see your children continue to mature, grandchildren grow and find success, maybe meet great granchildren. All the things that should bring a sense of joy in your life. Do what all you can to find and feel this joy. I know you had it at one time. Remember how it felt and that it can be that way again. :hug:
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you all for the kind words, care and support. I dont want to sound ungrateful, but I have been suffering for 20 plus years now. I have tried the options and techniques and resources. Some worked for a little while but they never seem to be able to stand up against all the shit that keeps piling up in my life. I know I should be somewhere safe like the hospital. But I also know only death is going to end all this pain and no one can any longer hurt and abuse me in any way. I know I am going to hurt the ones I love but I hurt them anyway with my very existance. And I cant even help my friends and members here any more. I'm not looking for pity or hey keep trying. I'm looking for a solution not just a bandaid to cover the hurt. I have found it. Sorry.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You owe no one any apologies for the way you feel. I only hope that in the end you cna find the reasons you need to justify staying here for not only your friends and family, but also for yourself. You can never change the past, but you do have a say in what direction your future goes. Don't let the past define you. You are much better than that. :hug:
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