Teen Angst

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ryuuk, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. Ryuuk

    Ryuuk New Member

    Hey I'm really sorry if this doesn't follow the standard structure or sounds unintelligible. I just had to get it off my chest. I almost feeling like listing dot points just because I don't have the strength for this right now.

    I'm 19, male. I dropped out of university when I cracked under the pressure. I weigh 128 pounds going down and I'm 5'11, I was fat until I was 17. Now I can't find the courage to eat again. I know what it's like to be fat, to be the guy who is 'Just friends', sitting in the background going unnoticed.

    I work nights so my sleeping pattern is skewed, I spend most of my time awake at night so I don't see anyone, I don't have the confidence to to go parties or out with my friends anymore despite looking fairly attractive.. aside from being so skinny. I haven't celebrated the last 3 birthdays.

    My parents are divorced, my mother won't talk to me, my dad isn't here. My friends have all become acquaintances.

    I desperately want someone to care about me, to make me feel like I'm worth something, but I know I'm not worthy of love.

    Every day I feel terribly depressed and wanting to kill myself.

    What has pushed me even further is this;

    I had cosmetic surgery 6 weeks ago to fix what the fat did to my areolas and chest by stretching them. There was a mistake with the surgery which resulted in me having internal bleeding. Because i don't have health insurance this cost me an extra $3000, on top of the $11000 for the initial surgery. I am now $6000 in debt. What worse is, my chest looks perfect but my areola are still large, just over an inch in diameter. This surgery meant everything to me and now it's all fucked up.

    To teenage girls image is everything. They don't care about whats inside, hell, they prefer to date assholes. Now my hopes of one day being able to take my shirt off are ruined. Despite what my family tell me that they are fine and just little big and I'm just suffering from teen angst, i look at magazines, on TV. All guys have tiny thumbnail sized nipples.

    Just another reason for me to never be able to get a girlfriend.

    If the point of life is to find love and be happy, and I will never have either then all I have left is a life consisting of a desk job day in day out.

    I don't have any motivation to continue.

    I just want someone to understand, but nobody wants to listen. I'm just a burden.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2009
  2. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    hey sweetie, i'm sorry to hear you're going through so much at the moment.
    chances are, the surgery has made your drastic weightloss even more obvious, hence why you personally feel you look out of proportion, once you get yourself back into a routine of eating properly, i'm sure you will notice a massive difference.
    not all teenage girls believe image is everything, and those who do probably wouldn't be worth dating in the first place. what you really need to focus on, instead of being so critical of yourself, is gaining some self-confidence. then you will stop focussing on your bad points and start focussing on the good. from your post it's clear to me that you're very intelligent and have a lot going for you, and should be proud of the fact you've lost so much weight, but be careful that you don't go too far. also, you've said you believe yourself to be attractive facially, which is a good start!!
    you just need to start gaining confidence in yourself, gradually start going out again, even if its only for a couple of hours at a time, and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, and make you proud to be you.
    good luck, and feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk.
    laura xo
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Women are much less concerned with how men look than is the reverse.... you often see very beautiful women with ugly men but not handsome men with ugly women. I think you're more conscious of your imperfections (as we all are of ourselves) than any girl will be... you just need confidence in yourself, especially as it's an area of the body not immediately on show!
  4. Ryuuk

    Ryuuk New Member

    Thanks, I really appreciate it.

    I just want to feel that what people tell me is true and that it isn't bad at all and that everyone is different. It's just hard at the moment.

    It's really hard to eat and not be afraid, I can't go back to what I was. I just need to trust myself that I won't balloon overnight and If I eat healithy and excerisise it will all be ok.

    I wish I could find someone who loves me for what I am, now. I can't comprehend the thought of someone liking me for me, let alone even being sexually attracted to me.. because i've never experienced it. and I can't tell anyone this, because looking at me, they wouldn't beleive it, the only phsyical, visible downside i have is being underweight.

    I feel like I need the support of a girlfriend to give me the confidence and support to get through this.

    I just wish it were possible.

    Is it disgusting that I dream to find a girl with an eating disorder or some other instability so that we can be happy and recover.. together. I'm so sick of hearing tales from my female friends about guys who abuse them and lie to them when if given teh chance.. I would give nothing but unwavering love and commitment.

    And I know that sounds smothering but I would avoid being..smothering.
  5. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    you sound just like my boy actually :) you'll definitely find someone, i promise. x