Hey I'm really sorry if this doesn't follow the standard structure or sounds unintelligible. I just had to get it off my chest. I almost feeling like listing dot points just because I don't have the strength for this right now. I'm 19, male. I dropped out of university when I cracked under the pressure. I weigh 128 pounds going down and I'm 5'11, I was fat until I was 17. Now I can't find the courage to eat again. I know what it's like to be fat, to be the guy who is 'Just friends', sitting in the background going unnoticed. I work nights so my sleeping pattern is skewed, I spend most of my time awake at night so I don't see anyone, I don't have the confidence to to go parties or out with my friends anymore despite looking fairly attractive.. aside from being so skinny. I haven't celebrated the last 3 birthdays. My parents are divorced, my mother won't talk to me, my dad isn't here. My friends have all become acquaintances. I desperately want someone to care about me, to make me feel like I'm worth something, but I know I'm not worthy of love. Every day I feel terribly depressed and wanting to kill myself. What has pushed me even further is this; I had cosmetic surgery 6 weeks ago to fix what the fat did to my areolas and chest by stretching them. There was a mistake with the surgery which resulted in me having internal bleeding. Because i don't have health insurance this cost me an extra $3000, on top of the $11000 for the initial surgery. I am now $6000 in debt. What worse is, my chest looks perfect but my areola are still large, just over an inch in diameter. This surgery meant everything to me and now it's all fucked up. To teenage girls image is everything. They don't care about whats inside, hell, they prefer to date assholes. Now my hopes of one day being able to take my shirt off are ruined. Despite what my family tell me that they are fine and just little big and I'm just suffering from teen angst, i look at magazines, on TV. All guys have tiny thumbnail sized nipples. Just another reason for me to never be able to get a girlfriend. If the point of life is to find love and be happy, and I will never have either then all I have left is a life consisting of a desk job day in day out. I don't have any motivation to continue. I just want someone to understand, but nobody wants to listen. I'm just a burden.