I'm not depressed. I used to have depression, I know what it feels like. I'm not depressed now. I can be sad, I can be worried, I can be scared - but I'm not depressed. Emotionally healthy people still get negative feelings when bad things happen. There's nothing wrong with what I feel. I can't afford to have my most basic needs covered, obviously I'm sad and scared because it's literally a life or death issue, obviously I feel bad about myself for not being more capable.
Doctors tend to health problems, they're not all-purpose life-fixers. I guess I could make some use of a therapist/counselor, most people would, but I obviously can't afford one right now.
I meant I don't live in the Anglosphere and/or wherever else you can rain in somewhere and expect stuff to be given to you.
You said "you just have to be willing to do it". It's insulting and unhelpful.
Thank you for trying to help.
I understand I'm unwelcome here since my problem can't be fixed by cheering up. I guess I turned here because I remembered this place from when I was 15-16 (and briefly returned when I was 18) - I was depressed and suicidal at the time. I guess I never really kicked the habit of considering suicide as a valid option. I don't think that's a bad thing, it makes me feel better. I can relax. I know that whatever happens, I don't have to suffer forever.
Due to the circumstances in my life, I break down very often and swear to god I'm going to kill myself. I make plans and figure how much time I have left. Then I decide that within that time I can still give one last good shot at whatever might help me. So I do that, usually fail and break down again, but I've moved forward in some way. But I always had savings, something to fall back on, but I've run out now. I can objectively, realistically tell that I've ran out of options and I have no idea what to do or try anymore.