Tell me, what am I doing wrong?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Untouchable, Oct 16, 2010.

  1. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    What the hell am I doing wrong?

    I met this guy a couple of weeks ago, we hanged out a little (I had to FORCE myself to become sociable for just a small amount of time, at least, my therapists kept telling me to actually talk to people and make friends with them) and it seemed to go just fine. I tried my best not let my thoughts cloud up my progress and I really tried my best to seem like a normal person who's not going through depression. I was smiling, I was laughing, I was making jokes.

    Don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to hit on the guy. Nor do I want to. I just wanted a friend. I find it easier to make friends with guys, therefore most of the friends I've had (which can be counted in one hand) had always been guys. I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. The last one I had was unhealthy, and the guy was forcing to take his own life in case I left him, even though he was constantly abusing me in all sorts of ways. I would love to eventually be in a relationship (if I live long enough to experience this), but I don't want it to be with just anyone. Cliche or not, I like to believe that there's someone out there who will fill the halfness of my soul. This is one of the reasons I'm still alive.

    So when it was time to go, I suggested we hanged out sometime soon. He nodded and we exchanged numbers. I didn't make it seem like I was interested in him romantically in any way.

    Yesterday, I texted him to suggest hanging out sometime in the weekend. I still haven't gotten a single txt or call from him and it's been 2 days. It's like he's ignoring me completely. And I know for fact that he got my txt, since I get delivery reports. And he couldn't have been out of credit, because he has a program that allows free calls and txts to people who have the same program. And I have that damn program.

    I don't know. Maybe I'm over analyzing things again. That's all I do. But I can't help it. I feel so unwanted and lonely right now. I wanted to get out of the house today, instead of spend the time writing stuff in my notebook. I know I'm never going to get these novels published anyway.

    Whatever do I do wrong? Am I that dull to be with? Why can't I just find someone who I can be myself with without being afraid?