Tell me what is left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Jun 1, 2007.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So recently I have been thinking, what is left? Then I think, oh right to eat a gun.

    Why do I say this? Well simple because I suck at life. The one thing I need to keep me going, a relationship. Is something I am unable to mantain. I must suck too much at life to give off the correct signs or ideas or whatever. I say this because everything I do is a mistake. I do not know how to express interest. I do not know how to entertain someone. I do not know anything but how to exist in the general area. And in the end I will hurt the person because I am so fucking oblivious to everything.

    So I ask you people what is left? I am too far gone to learn any new skills. All I know is that I am going to budget in savings to buy that gun I want to eat so very badly. And then see how long I can resist the temptation to just eat it.... since I am just starting saving, and I want something nice and cool looking. I would give me 3 maybe 4 months tops. Until then I will keep living. Hoping that someone can help me find an answer. Because I no longer have hope.
     
  2. DownwardSpiral

    DownwardSpiral Well-Known Member

    I may not be the best one to offer support but I will try. I too am considering a handgun as the method to end my life. The reason I havent bought it is because I dont want to hurt the people I love even though some of them have done so much to hurt me over my 34 years of life. Kind of like taking the moral high ground. Yes, life can be painful sometimes but we can make it. I look at all the people on this forum who think of suicide, get in crisis mode, and then make it to live another day. Its a constant struggle but we can make it one day at a time. PM or IM me if you need somebody to chat with. Together we can make it through this part of our lives.
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess it is easier for me to want to take my life because I am pretty sure 95% of the people who I think care about me can easily move on and forget me. Actually I do not think I know.

    Really the only reason I am still here is because there is not many quick easy methods to end myself available to me. I don't want to Try ODing because that will only destroy me and might not kill me.

    I am tired of the struggle, I am all for struggling if there is a point. But the only point I see in life is the one preprogrammed one. And that is to reproduce. And since I have no desire to spawn I have no real desire to live... that is my logic... I don't know I will sit down and do my budget today. And just because I buy the gun does not mean I will use it. I will probably wuss out in the end. And will have wasted $700. Oh well I just suck so much at everything. Why not suck at killing myself too.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish you were not feeling this way forgotten. There have been time I thought you were finding a little relief and things may be turning around for you. I am glad that it will take you at leat that musch time to save. Maybe by then you will have changed or something about your situation that makes things more bareable. Please don't give up.
     
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah turns out those times were gas. And gas sounds funny so I felt better. But they were nothing much.

    Do not worry I will save up and buy... but I probably will never use. Well not on myself... it will just make resisting my temptation to end everything harder. Hopefully it will apply the extra pressure I need to finally snap.

     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I will not give up hope for you Forgotten_Man. Nor will I give up trying. I hope what you see as reality truly does not happen. I know what I have to say does not change the way you feel. I understand that completely. But I hope that it at least gets you to think once in awhile. I truly think you are a person worth saving. Maybe not the life as you see it right now, but the life it has the capacity to be. Please take care.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Makes me feel bad that I am the only one who can see how truely worthless I am :(

    I guess if life sucks and it is worthless I just wonder why keep living it?
     
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