Hey all. Has been an awfully long time since I last posted here (or at least it feels like it). Sadly, this has nothing to do with me feeling any better - I just felt the site wasn't helping me. I'm posting here now because I feel I just have got to the "now or never" stage where I need to make some sort of last-ditch effort to save myself before I commit suicide. You know the kind of crazy, one-in-a-million shots that the good guys do in Hollywood films that saves the day when all things seem bleak? But I don't know how. My self-esteem, which I thought couldn't get any lower, is not just at the bottom of the barrel, but has gone into the one underneath. I try to throw myself into stuff - my work, Warhammer, games, going out, self-improvement, sex - but it doesn't work, and when I catch up with myself I just feel suicidal again. I am 21 years old, and am a manager for a betting firm. But I'm not the success I appear to be, nor does my life really seem to be going anywhere. I have no girlfriend (and no prospect of one), cannot drive, and really am not liked all that much by people. If I'm ever given a compliment, it's always "oh, you make me laugh", like I'm some sort of clown. I can't be taken seriously, or seen as anything other than a joker. I enjoy seeing people smile, but I wish I could be taken as a person rather than a walking comedy store by people. Today I was so close to doing it. So close. I actually had the bleach poured out, in the cup, ready to drink it. I was closing up at work, and because I'm the one opening tomorrow I knew I'd be long dead before anyone found me. I can't trust to tell anyone about this, and feel like it's something I have battled against but it's inevitable I'll end up dying - so is there any way someone can help save me? Give me a reason as to why I should live instead of putting this worthless, unloved, ridiculous fool out of everyone's way?