Tell me why.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by poisonedXsoul, Apr 7, 2009.

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  1. poisonedXsoul

    poisonedXsoul Active Member

    In the past month I have been contacted by my molester when i was a child. I have been repeatedly used and abandoned by my bestfriend. I have relapsed on my ed and cutting. And I was getting through it. I was being strong. Then in 24 hours I am crushed to the ground.

    I was pregnant. I was happy. I was in love. Then last night I tell someone i'm keeping it. I misscarry 10 minutes later. I'm miserable and I feel empty and like a murderer.
    But then, my bestfriend who i let live with me is supposed to go with me to the doctor comes home with her boyfriend, whom i hate, saying "oh didn't i tell you i couldn't go." Then screaming at me when I get angry saying i'm immature and that she brought her bf to drive me, completely contridicting what she had said.
    And then, i write on my livejournal. that only two close people can read. saying that i misscarried. One responds : i love you, but you can't even take care of yourself. the fact that you would bring a child into this world makes you incredibly selfish. you may think having a baby would be cool or whatever, but its not. not using condoms is STUPID and youre a fucking IDIOT for doing so. i have lost a lot of respect for you because of this.

    I have never felt this low. I have no idea what to do. I am completely empty. I can not feel at all.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :hug: I'm sorry, sweetie, I don't really know what to say. :huh: I'm sorry you've been hurt so badly. :hug:
  3. nakedbodi

    nakedbodi Member

    I've been used and manipulated by people i loved and trusted most of my early adult life. I need a change, and i decided to dare to do it than kill my self. One day i just realized that i have to cut those people off my life. well, not necessarily all and not necessarily totally. I just need to make an absolute stand on things.

    So I make up my own mantra: if you're being bad for my well-being, then i just have to let you go.

    Life's been better after that.
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