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Tell people or don't tell people your problems?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by yous, Jan 18, 2011.

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  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I know most people don't care and some people are glad that you have your problems, but there are a few people that offer to listen.

    Has anyone here ever took the offer and told people their problems?

    I have heard people just blab about talking about themselves and usually they are problems, but I never do that. I never felt comfortable. I never trusted anyone would care and what would be the point because they can't solve my problems.

    But has anyone just done that, and spent time telling people their problems and got a good result or felt better about it in the end?
  2. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    i've done it willingly (to one of my friends in the same sort of situations)
    i've been forced to do it (counsellors)
    i've been told i can talk any time (people on here, other friends)

    there are a lot of people that will listen
    and there are a lot of people that will respond, whether it be in the right or wrong way

    but there's rarely someone who understands
    and i think that's what makes a difference.

    i always felt alone in my problems, like noone else had ever been hurt like i was or felt like i did. finding someone who understood and had felt like that before, who could truly empathise - that's what made a difference for me.

    of course now that person is dead so i'm kinda back at square one.
  3. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Yeah I'm not really looking for someone who listens, but someone who also understands. They may not have gone through the things I did, but at least they step back to support and comfort which is so rare.

    I figured if I can't even find a good friend, or people who care at all, how can I expect them to listen to my problems. But I have had people who say this, "You know you can tell me your problems. I'm a good listener." What does that even mean? Should I believe them???
  4. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It is so hard....

    I don't tell all - I did to my therapist at one point, but he dropped me - I was "over his head" I needed a trauma specialist who deals with DID....

    So now there is no one I tell all to. The key for me has been to get to know someone first, then you know who that person can be trusted to be, themselves only - no pre-set expectations. I don't expect my friends to understand all I have been through, that would not be possible for them. They are friends though and care as much as I let them....

    Being open and letting someone know me leaves me vulnerable to being hurt - not letting people know me means I don't allow myself to be loved....

    Rotten dilemma - so I stay isolated for the most part.
  5. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I'm just so afraid of being hurt. One time I allowed myself to tell someone who said that I could always come to them about my problems, a problem of mine. And you know what they told me?? "That's not a problem I consider important and worth getting all upset." It was a problem that couldn't be solved in my life and had always been around me for a long time. I thought I was opening myself up to allow someone to care. I was hoping that I could have at least some words of comfort and support. They didn't have to understand, but at least listened.

    I was sooo upset about my problem and that comment blew me over the top. It was so seriously important to me! I have been in the opposite position before where I didn't think that someone's problem was unsolvable or worth getting so upset, yet I was there for them. I supported and understood.
  6. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    I am terrified of telling people. Once, a person who I thought was a friend found me crying, and asked what was wrong. So I broke down even further and told her (this was immediately post Bipolar diagnosis) what was wrong. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face. She got up and grabbed her coat, and after announcing she was leaving because she didn't want to be associated with a "fucking basket case". So ever since, I have been very guarded and have only spoken to my Psych doctor about how I feel. Which is why finding this forum is such a help to me.
  7. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    Ive grown a dislike of buyers remorse.
  8. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I can't understand why people would offer to "listen" and turn around and backstab instead? And they don't even know what they've done!
  9. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I've more recently talked to family and some friends about my depression and suicidal thinking. I hadn't before and in retrospect I wish I would have done so earlier. One, they were very supportive emotionally. Two, I was in a situation where I was doing okay, went off meds, and got worse where it would have been nice to have someone that knew what I was going through say, "hey, maybe you should get back on your meds?" Because I hadn't opened up to anyone, that was not available to me.

    I know some people have had negative experiences, but mine have been positive.

    I think you've got the answer to your question right there. They don't know what they are doing.

    If I had to guess, I would guess that someone that reacts that way wasn't prepared for everything. They want to get out of the situation because they don't know what to do. In order to justify running away from it to themselves after offering to help, they make the person telling them those things 'wrong' for having done so, at least in their own mind. I don't really know though, just a thought.
  10. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    But why even offer to listen then? What do they expect to hear?? "Hey I won the lottery? I'm so happy?!" Geez!
  11. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I'm not sure exactly, but probably something they are more confident dealing with. Things like 'my girlfriend/boyfriend left me,' 'I failed my math test,' or 'this person was mean to me.' Not to minimize any of those things, but the idea is they are more in the realm of what everyone goes through. You're certainly not alone if you are dealing with depression, abuse, or other serious issues, but these things are less common or at least more outside of what people normally talk about (I think).
  12. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm in two minds about this because at times I've told people about my problems and they've turned around like it's nothing or made me look guilty.It's hard to say because you have genuine people as well so it's a tough call.
  13. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Yes then but what do genuine people sound like? I'm not being sarcastic, but exactly what do people look like when they genuinely want to hear and understand you but don't know how to help you but are still there for you?

    I know nobody wants a whiner or at least a constant one. Because I'm not sure about everyone else, but my problems lingers literally like forever. So I know people get tired of hearing about the same old problems. It's not like I constantly complain, in fact I don't at all, but sometimes you want to vent and you don't want to feel worse by doing it to somebody who would just give you a cold shoulder after offering a false thought they would help.
  14. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    You can only tell really really really good friends your problems. I tried telling my family my problems, and they just said I was seeking attention. Luckily, I can talk to people on these boards about my problems. :)
  15. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    It feels the only place I come freely about my problems is here. Most people just tell me to go see a psychologist and I hate it when they say that.

    I tried telling someone recently about a small problem but it got barely any recognition before moving on to other topics unrelated.
  16. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Wow a lot of horrible people being talked about on this thread! :| My friends are all lovely and caring and don't turn their back on me even when I talk openly about my problems. They often don't know how to act, yes, but I've never been backstabbed for it,

    To answer your question, yes I talk to people. I am very open about it. I don't know whether I can say it helps to have support, because I've always been this way, so I don't really have a point of comparison.
  17. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    With me it depends on how bad things get. Most times I just release emotions through writing or typing. What I'm popular at doing is making rant threads on here. I love other people hearing me out, but I don't love other people responding. I'm weird.. its like "Hey. I wanna be heard out and release some steam, but I don't want you to respond much or help me k?". Although they're times where even this site doesn't help or writing. I then have to talk to someone like a counselor. I feel so relieved afterwards but then I'm like "what have I done.. now they're gonna keep bugging me when all I wanted to do was release some steam". I talk about my problems when I wanna talk about my problems. It feels good afterwards and I'm relieved, though guilty of being such a complainer and a cry baby like most my ex's say I am. I like to be careful about who I tell my problems to now. I remember when I use to complain to my boyfriends in the past and it only lead to nasty breakups and name callings. Its ironic that I prefer telling about problems to strangers on a suicide forum and my counselor over my family and friends. I guess I hate bugging them and worry they'll think bad of me.
  18. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    They wont listen so do not waste time, others I wanna be seen as a 'normal' girl only if that dont work well... bye, bye ..
  19. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Never. Not to family, not to friends, not even to doctors. My life revolves around lies designed to hide the truth about how I actually feel.

    Last year I got a bad case of the flu which combined with minor food poisoning (off can of chicken soup...). I was shakey and fevered and nauseous. Then the suicidal thoughts kicked in. I called an ambulance for the flu symptoms, told them I had chest pain and difficulty breathing. Really I called that ambulance because I was afraid I would do something stupid if left alone. The EMT's knew something was up but I wouldn't talk. They took me to the hospital. I sat in triage with a barf bag clutched in hand, shaking. The nurses asked me if anything else was the matter. I told them my chest hurt and that was it.

    I don't know why I couldn't tell them.

    I know I need to get help now. I'm terrified of finally having to tell someone the truth.
  20. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    I haven't told my friends the details. They don't know how to react just off the little things i've told them let alone the detailed full story. I have no one to talk to. I don't have a counselor anymore i don't even have a psych anymore. Not that i would tell a counselor or psych anything..... ha.

    It's extremely hard telling someone the full details. I've never come clean to anyone about what's really going through my head, what i really feel and what i've really done in terms of attempts and self mutilation. I do write occasionally and it does help somewhat however i would never ever show anyone my writing book like i've heard of some people doing and suggesting in the past. If i was going to tell someone it would be through my mouth not through them reading. That would just be awkward.... more awkward than it is.
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