tell why I need to live in pain for so not disrupt their perfect lives?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BrianNoHope, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. BrianNoHope

    BrianNoHope New Member

    Please help me understand why my depression and struggle with identifying with everything in life that I have to continue to live in it because I am told it would hurt so many people to lose me? If they truly loved me and cared for me that much, wouldn't they welcome the reality of letting me go and be in peace for once in my life. I am not a coward nor am I selfish! Suicide thoughts and the actions one takes because of their pain are like blinders on a horse. you hurt so made that you are incapable of seeing the hurt your causing. I have endured enough pain, enough abuse, enough toxic relationships to last 10 lifetimes. I cannot trust a single person in this world to know my true identity and let them know how much I want to leave this cruel world. All of these places that say they want to help you will have you locked up in handcuffs and transported to a facility where they will drug you until you can't feel anything anymore. How is that help? Where are the people that will listen to you give you a hug until you about hope and about how to look through a different window. Someone who has empathy and not an agenda. There must be a way to talk to somebody without fear of being locked up because I am hurting so bad inside. Truly selfish and cowardly people in this world are the ones that ask a person who is truly hurting to live so they don't have to go through the loss when they're gone.
  2. Emily K

    Emily K Member

    Hi Brian,

    When reading your post I noticed two things that I think I can talk about that will hopefully make you feel even just a little tiny bit better. First of all, I have struggled for a very long time about how people say that people around me would be hurt if I left-- something I have thought about many times. If those people really loved you for who you are, they would not let you go, no matter how hard you tried. I have had a really hard time grasping the reality that anyone loves me, and how they just shouldn't care and leave me alone so I can die in peace and not hurt anyone. But what i've been starting to realize, is that I need those people as much as they need me. And love and seeing each other clearly is something so so hard to see when you are not feeling good (I can definitely attest to that) but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. The cruel thing about this world is that we don't tell each other that we appreciate people all the time, but instead leave those feelings to ourselves. Just because you don't see them that doesn't mean they don't exist. And I assure you, 4000%, that at least one person in this world would be completely devastated if you left. And I bet you that one person would do everything in their power to keep you from going. Just, try, try to remember, no matter how hard it is, that someone, even if you don't know their name, is trying to keep you alive. \
    To your second point, I have had pretty bad depression for a few months know and I have had such success just talking to someone. I have a therapist who makes the most insightful remarks and it helps so much. If you can't afford or emotionally deal with that, just try using the Chat sometime. You don't have to say anything but just be there, and I really hope that that can do just a little bit. Don't forget to keep posting, and i'm praying for you.

    The Very Best,

  3. BrianNoHope

    BrianNoHope New Member


    Your words brought me to tears. I cannot begin to understand the love strangers can bestow. I have made the choice to finally end my life this week. I finally found a way I'm comfortable with. Unfortunately, other than on here I cannot talk about it or even let on. I love knowing that people out there have found a way around leaving this world. I appreciate that in people. I do not have the support system I need day after day. I think there was an error when I entered this world. I have never felt like I'm a human in this world of humans. chronic suicidal idealizations have plagued me my whole life. This last week when I finally finalized my plan, it was for the first time in my life a great release of pain. My pain and depression are finally going to end.
  4. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    You'll have to start all over again in this world ...if you end the manifestation that is given to you.I think it gets worse..
  5. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    You will not end never ends.