Telling it like it is

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BipolarOne, May 29, 2014.

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  1. BipolarOne

    BipolarOne Active Member

    I am going to tell my therapist today that I will not give up my stash of pills that I intend to use to kill myself. I have to be up front and honest with him. I am going to tell him that I do plan to kill myself rather than let my psychiatrist make me suffer the torture of ECT. I am very scared about what is going to happen to me. I don't want to give up my pills, they are my way out. I am sure he will be obligated to call the CAT Team and have me put on a hospital hold. I just hope that on such a hold they cannot force me to have ECT. If so, my brain will not be able to take it. I had ECT 10 years ago and suffered a lot of memory damage. Now I am 63, and that kind of memory loss will most likely trigger dementia. I will not accept that. I cannot accept that. If the insurance company wants to save my life, they have to let me have TMS. For the last 13 years no medications have worked for me. I am at the end of the road when it comes to medications. The only things left are alternative treatments. I know that my psychiatrist will not go for things like acupuncture or other holistic treatments. She has already talked about ECT for me. So taking an overdose of pills seems to be my only choice, unless by some miracle I am allowed to have TMS treatments. I am very scared about what is going to take place today. And if I am not in the hospital on Monday, I will have to go to my appointment with my psychiatrist. That scares me morel. I don't think anyone can help me, except for the insurance company. How likely is that? Good-bye to all. Vivian.
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Vivian, I am 62 and have been dealing with depression/anxiety since my teens. I don't think it is quite as severe as yours. I only sought medical help once and found it to be a waste. But I do know that an overdose is not a good idea. You may not want to live, but your body does. The pills will make you throw up, for hours. And you will come out of it alive anyway.

    Have you considered another doctor and therapist. One that you can confide your concerns in without fear. And one that will be more open to alternative therapies. I totally understand your fear of ECT. I didn't even know they did it anymore. Insist on TMS. If they will not provide it, seek another doctor. You are worth the effort. And I hope to see you post here again.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No one can force you to have any treatment you do not want h un ok as said you find a new doctor then that will help you in the way you chose hugs
  4. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I couldn't have said it in any better way. An overdose is no good at all.
  5. Ever Infinity

    Ever Infinity New Member

    I'm not saying you should do the ECT treatment but in my honest opinion I don't see why it has to be a torturous experience. It might have a negative perception due to popular media but at the end of the day i don't believe the negatives are that major compared to possibly living a better life.
  6. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    @ Ever Infinity:
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