Telling parents (Opinions of parents would be appreciated!)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Nicole_O91, Aug 18, 2010.

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  1. Nicole_O91

    Nicole_O91 Active Member

    I'm 19 and I've been self harming since I was 12. When I was 14, I told my best friend and I also told her that I tried to kill myself. My friend told my mother that I self harm without telling me, but not that I had attempted suicide. My mum didn't tell me she knew until last August (2009) and when she told me she know, she was very unemotional, cold and didn't question my reasons, ask if I was still doing it or ask if I wanted help. I let her believe I'd stopped. Now I've gotten to the point I need help as I'm getting to a stage of desperation where I am constantly depressed and thinking about taking my own life. Given how unaffected she was about it before, should I tell her I plan on getting help or should I just go ahead and seek it myself? Thank you.
  2. Nosferatu

    Nosferatu Well-Known Member

    Hi there Nicole.
    First of all its good to hear that you are looking to get help for how your feeling, so wishing you the best with that. I dont know what the relationship with your mum is like but i know parents can struggle dealing with their children self harming, i think they dont understand it more often than not so dont just assume that shes not bothered by the way she reacted ok :smile:
    I'd say its probably worth letting your mum know that you want to get help as it always helps more if you've got someone backing you through it all, i know it helped me lot more when i went through it a few years back.

    Good luck with everything, feel free to pm if you ever want.We are here to support too of course :smile:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My daughter self harms i was shocked at first but i want my daughter to be open with me honest so i can help her. ask you mom if you can just talk to a councillor get some helpl for your feeling if you can't ask write her a note saying what it is you are feeling and that you are afraid and want some help okay

    Parents i being one always want to know when and how they can help their child. take care
  4. doodles

    doodles New Member

    Hello Nicole,

    Of course, your mum's reaction can only be interpreted in the context of your relationship with her.

    My parents are similarly reserved (if that's the right word).

    But I think it's because they honestly believe that I am this sensible, intelligent person, who doesn't need any help (, which makes it impossible for me to share my troubles as I don't dare disillusion them).

    Could that also be the case with your mum?
    Or maybe she thinks it's a phase that will pass.
    Certainly, she must feel at a loss.

    Please get some help!
    Perhaps it's easier to confide in a professional so there will be some distance, no emotional enmeshment or parental expectations.

    Please stay safe and all the best!
  5. Paigeee

    Paigeee Member

    Your mum may have been cold like that because she had no idea what she could say or do. I think there's a chance she does really care and I'd suggest telling her you need help and see where it goes from there. If she is unsupportive, there is many people that will be supportive. You can go to the doctors alone, but from then on you won't be alone. I promise :] I wish you all the best xxx
  6. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Hi Nicole when my parents first found out that I self harmed was when I was 15 and my teacher found out and told them, They both went mental at me and the times after that when they found out I was still doing it or had started doing it again they still lost it with me and just yelled. I think your mums reaction is for a similar reason to my parents reaction is that she doesnt understand or know what way she should react to help support you, sorry if that doesnt make sense. What I'm trying to say is that she is probably really concerned about you but may be putting her head in the sand hoping that if she doesnt mention it or think about it it'l just go away, as we know that doesnt ever happen. I think its great that your looking to get some support - brilliant first step towards a life worth living - especially if these other thoughts are starting to come through, talking to parents can be really hard but maybe if you approach the subject with your mum being honest and letting her know what you plan to do hopefully she will show more support, but if she doesnt then you can work on this with the professional support you'l have around you x if you want to talk just pm me x
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi Nicole,

    I think you should consider telling your parents. the important thing to remember is that you're not unusual because you self injure. A lot of people do, and the people who don't anymore are very often the people who tell other people.

    I think you'll find your parents a helpful source for stopping. More importantly, it'll help you feel like you aren't alone...which you aren't. I used to self injure, but the intervention of my parents and family was really helpful in me stopping.

    Good luck!

  8. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I actually told my dad about self cutting.. but I told him after the fact. I was in a bad time in my life and my battle scars are on my upper left arm. It took a while for me to heal but I felt so much better after I (I guess it would be a confession) told my dad about what I had went through. I wish I had said something sooner. But things happen for a reason.

    Your mum did ask if you needed help.. so I would ask her again. Had she had not offered the first time, I would suggest to seek better help else where. That's just my thoughts on it. -hugs-
  9. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member


    I understand your concern. When I was self harming, and when it got to it's worse, I still hadn't told my father (my mother lives a couple hundred miles away.). Parents can sometimes struggle with knowing that their children are in pain, especially emotionally because they do not know how to deal with it. I don't know your parents or your situation with them, but seeking support from all sides, including your parentals, is crucial in recovering.

    The more support you get the better off you are. When I went to the "nut house" I was getting invitations from my brother to go and see movies with him, my father would sit down and talk with me, my mother would call me a lot. This was incredibly helpful, and ultimately made me feel like I had a family I could count on.

    If you don't get any support from your parents, at least it's off your chest and they know. Getting help yourself is a good idea, and it shows that you now KNOW you need the help and that your ready to accept it.

    I wish you the best,

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