Telling people about your depression/mental illness and having them go silent

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, May 3, 2010.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Has this ever happened to you?

    Or have you maybe just brought it up into conversation and the person went dead silent and/or even changed the subject?

    My Mum does this EVERY SINGLE TIME I mention my depression, and it really pisses me off.
    Yeah I'm sure she doesn't know what to say but I can't help but to think "dammit woman, you had better THINK of something to say I am your daughter!!!!"
    A time or two she has sat and told me that she was depressed and I have said something, because there is nothing worse than silence. Even if it was just see the Doctor, counselling, meds, take some time out to breathe, do you need any help/need me to do anything etc.
    She works in an industry where people say awkward shit all the time so why is it that she doesn't know what to say to her own child?

    Sorry this has turned into a Let It All Out type rant.

    I guess I'm just wondering what people do when their family, friends, colleagues, even strangers are forced to encounter and deal with their depression/illness and for some reason... fail to?
  2. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    The best thing to do is give them time to get used to the fact that you have a mental illness. Its still kind of a taboo subject with most people. I encounter it all the time when people find out im bi-polar but eventually they get used to the fact that i aint gonna go nuts on them and stab them in their sleep or something similar.
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    My mum has had 27 years to get used to it, she still acts like there's an elephant in the room every time it's mentioned! It's so annoying. :( :(
  4. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I just keep it to myself, some people are too narrow minded to understand, granted that's 95% of the people I know unfortenately. Perhaps a wider margain. I made the mistake of sharing it with close friends once, where are they now? Non-existant as far as I'm concerned.
  5. Vagrant

    Vagrant Account Closed

    Same things happened to me, and it make me more reserved.
  6. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    I'm with you and Rosenrot, my co-workers tend to look down on others who are not perfect, they think everyone else should have such a wonderful life like them. Like you said, because of that attitude has made me even more reserved and probably worse off,:lone: think if you've never been where we are then others really just don't understand, or want to. Hope it made sense, something happens between my brain and the keyboard.:sad:
  7. perfected

    perfected Member

    Maybe its something they deal with themselves, and they just don't want to talk about it...

    Maybe they're thinking "if I can't help myself, where do I get off thinking I can help others?"

    Maybe its such a personal thing that they don't want to discuss it.

    Maybe they just don't think its that serious and you're just complaining.

    You've also got to consider that if its somebody who already knows you've got problems... maybe you've just run out of... i dunno, cards to play? Maybe they've just heard it one too many times.

    Maybe they have decided THEY know what the solution to your problem is and they've already said it 100 times and they just don't want to hear it anymore because as far as they're concerned, you don't listen?

    Maybe they've known someone close to them with the same issues and tried to help and things only got worse and they just don't want to go through it again?

    Maybe they think there's nothing they can do as its your own choice or problem and you just need to deal with it and man, they've got problems of their own and you don't hear them complaining to everybody etc...

    Maybe they just don't know what to say.

    There are so many other possibilities and you'll never know unless you point blank ask... assuming they don't respond in the same way again.

    Sometimes you get over it for awhile. Sometimes it gets worse. Sometimes you find someone who cares, and sometimes you don't. But usually, nothing happens.
  8. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    you need to accept that kind of fact. you need to learn more coping skills by yourself because in reality we are taboo in this society.
  9. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Accept that people are narrow minded and ignorant?

    I'm all about talking about my experiences and hopefully it leads to a society where it is no longer a taboo subject. Which will then lead to better support etc.
  10. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    Maybe she just doesn't know what to say.

    I am unable to console people no matter how bad things might have been for them. I just don't know how to do it. Maybe your mother is similar.
  11. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    this is our world. we cant change our society. accept it or hoping something that is impossible for now. maybe 10 years from now. what if, it happens not now. will you still dreaming something that is not true?

    if you cant fix the problem. find another solution like learning acceptance.
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I agree that sometimes there are things we do need to accept. But also, if everyone just accepts what's happening and moves on, nothing will ever change. And things need to change.
  13. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Uhm...yes we can change society. It's called evolution.

    I know it doesn't solve her problem right now but i am talking about a more long term approach regarding the stigma attached to mental illness.
  14. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    Sorry but very very few people will give a damn about what a depressed person has to say, this is because our society is geared towards rewarding the strong and successful and mocking anyone who doesn't meet the standards set.

    The truth as i have experienced is,

    certain types of individuals can get all the help and attention they need.

    I have noted from years of observation and comparison that these individuals all share common traits.

    They are all bereft of empathy, completely selfish and extremely good at manipulation, they always put themselves first and have no shame whatsoever.

    If on the other hand an individual is quiet, considerate, sensitive to the needs and wants of others and prepared to 'wait their turn', they will be shit on by the world at large.

    So if you want others to care about you, act like you're the most important person in the world (not a diva). If you don't believe me take a look at the people who you have seen in life who get what they want.
  15. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    So we should just give up and not try at all?
  16. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    there are other people who are specialize in field of psychology that have also a mental illness. they can spread awareness because they know how to and it is more effective.

    we are not all superhero. leave to them. let help ourselves. if one day, we are strong enough that is right time. we can fight.
  17. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    By helping change the views of society, we are helping ourselves.

    It's nothing to do with being a superhero either. It's not that black and white...

    Mental illness does not = weak.

    I consider myself strong for going through what i do and getting through each day.
  18. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    From this all I have basically got is:

    Accept that people (including your own mother and possibly one day my own husband and children if I am lucky enough to have them) will never get it and I will always be seen as a freak.

    Now if that isn't reason enough to kill myself I don't know what is.
  19. perfected

    perfected Member

    Even people with the same problems don't get each other. I don't know what to say. The world isn't fair, Aurora.
  20. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    that's right. we need to accept that way. my mother tried to understand me but sometimes she just pretend.

    in this world. we cant find fully acceptance or happiness to other people. only ourselves because we can find them. what if they died? what will happen to us? we need to be strong and independent.
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