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Telling people

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Serendipitous, Sep 26, 2010.

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  1. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    Ok so far I've been on pills for four months or there about and I've never told anyone. My immediate family and my online friend who is pretty much the only thing I have via a support structure (aside from here and my doctor anyway) and that's it. I've never told any of my IRL friends and besides they all leave for Uni soon.

    But as a friend pointed out maybe I needed to tell them as she couldn't hug me over the internet and I thought maybe it's time? So in preparation of telling my mom how my black cloud moments have started rising up again I got up the courage and told my best friend.

    There was the usual 'poor you' and 'why didn't you tell me' parts and then there was silence. Not just silence. Awkward silence. Followed by 'I really have to go.' There's been radio silence ever since. :blue:

    And I was left feeling worse than ever, isolated from a person I didn't think I would ever feel isolated from no matter how many times she forgot to call or ditched me in favour of her other half. I got that feeling in my stomach that happens after you do something bad: not the guilt part but the uneasy 'what happens next?' squicky feeling.

    So my question is has this ever happened to you? Have you ever told someone the whole truth from 'suicidal' to 'pills' and gotten static? Is it normal? She is only 18 after all and even for a teenager hasn't got much in her head other than 'uni, drinking, sex, fun' and I know that but somehow I still feel betrayed.

    Maybe I'm being paranoid. :fish:
  2. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    It is incredibly difficult to react favourably to certain things one is told. Many people have issues of their own. Try to make contact again on a far less serious note. I would go and see your GP as well and tell them everything. Everything.

    There are quite a few Brits on here so if ever you need to talk just shout at us. 24/7.
  3. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    True. Maybe I should give her a while. To hear that anybody close to you is dealing with something like that is hard. But it still hurt. I've been dealing with this by myself for so long, you know? And she's been pretty sketchy as a friend for the past two goddamn years but I was hoping she'd be there for me when i needed her.

    Making a call to my doctor just went up from 'urgent' to 'wow, is that sirens I can hear?' ~sighs~
  4. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    It is hard but sometimes you need to flip the situation. Imagine how you would feel (if you weren't suffering from depression etc) if that was laid on you? It really is tough when someone tells you really personal stuff. I know that I could have reacted better to news in the past but we all make mistakes. Anyway you have the potential here to make many new online friends and if ever you need to talk just pm me or others.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She is young as you say and not ready to deal with anything that is heavy. To her or anyone at that age partying have fun top of list. I hope you can make new friends perhaps one that does understand more. If you don't want to feel isolated i think not telling is a good thing that way people won't see you as ill will just see you as you. If they say you seem down then say ya i have these days when i am not the best and leave it at that. take care okay
  6. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    I had something of that sort happen to me. A few months back I posted a note on Facebook during one of my most low moods. The entire thing was incredibly depressing and I just let out how much hurt I was in and how much I was sick of everything. Out of my three RL friends, only two of them responded to me about it. Both of them saying that they couldn't be of any help to me.. It really hurts when you find out the people you've spent so much time with and you figured you were good friends, end up not actually caring enough to support you. :( A casual friend I made over the internet over the past year was more supportive than anyone else close to me.

    I hope you find the support you need either here or in new friends you might make. :hug:
  7. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    Being here has already helped me a lot and I wish I'd found it sooner. Maybe I would have been strong enough to look for help before now? I don't know but at least better late than never.

    The thing that irks me about this friend is that I have helped her through everything for six years: and I'm not talking about ordinary teenage problems: her father walked out due to her mother's tumor and then said mother's rejection when she came out as gay. I feel like while I've been dealing with all her baggage as well as mine she just doesn't value our friendship enough to help me with the big suitcase labelled 'depression' when I need her to. And you're right, Daijou, it hurts. It's another crappy heavy bag chucked on top of the ones we've already got.

    For the meantime I'm actually ok with my support system being online friends: they're usually the ones who pull through for me. But thanks for talking to me all of you, I feel better about the whole thing now. :rose:
  8. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I've no problem with getting most of my support through the internet, especially when the people I meet are far better than those I have IRL. The only thing I dislike is I can't physically be hugged or anything.. and I'm definitely overdue for a good hug. xD

    I'm glad to hear you like it here and you're feeling a bit better now, and hope you make some worthwhile friends. :)
  9. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    I think its important to be mindful of the other person's point of view, and how hard it is to react to that much information on the spot. I haven't told things to many people, but the few I have told had immediate reactions of shock ("Are you serious?") to guilt ("Did I do something wrong?") to just not knowing the right thing to say (awkward silence).

    Maybe look at the first talk you had with your friend as an information sharing session. You told your friend important information, which was the purpose of the meeting. Maybe tell them that you know this is heavy and that you don't expect anything from them, you just don't want to keep secrets.

    I know when people tell me hard things like that, I have the tendency to freak out and try to figure out the exact right thing to say. I'm always terrified I'm going to say the wrong thing and make things worse, or if I say nothing they will think I don't like them anymore. Perhaps when you talk with your friend, reassure them by thanking them for listening to you. When I'm in the situation of your friend, and a person thanks me for being there and listening, I start to feel more comfortable about talking back to them and trying to help them with advice and stuff. Does that make sense?

    Regardless.. I'm glad you're finding support in online friends. Online friends still count as friends and can be so valuable when going through rough patches. Also, good for you for being brave and opening up to your friend. :)
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    some people are 'givers' and some are 'takers'...
    you sound like you are the caring, giving type and if you're like me you expect the same in return...
    some people just can't "give" back...
    and yeh I get why you feel the way you do..
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