Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lightning05, Apr 7, 2016.

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  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I don't have the temptation to go back to prescription narcotics, but I have been smoking lots of marijuana and drinking a lot more than I should. There is this pattern I get into when feeling suicidal and depressed. Lots of self medicating and trying to escape reality. Which only makes me worse but I am in this cycle of hopelessness and a drug addict.. I have no idea what to do. I know being out of it is not healthy, but it seems like sobriety is just as hard....
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hun, I can tell you that you are not the first who have tried to cope with what happened to you with those methods; I think in a way it's linked to the anxiety that comes from what you've been through. You want to escape and instead of running you turn to those things to get away from all your problems.

    What you need is healthier coping mechanisms, other things that can get your mind off of the painful things. I understand sobriety is scary. But the thing you need to remember is that drugs and alcohol are depressors, they might seem to have a short term positive effect for you, but in the long run they will keep you down and make you more prone to anxiety... which creates a very vicious cycle.

    Go and talk to your counselor at the center, be honest about these things. I am sure they have heard this before It's even on the list of symptoms for PTSD. Maybe they can even get you into a form of 'rehab' system so you can get off of these; as well as working with you on finding safer outlets.
    Is there a sport you can do? Hard excesrise releases endorphin and adrenaline and can give you a rush as well, a rush that is a lot healthier for your mind and body.

    Please be kind to yourself hun. You really do deserve it!
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sobriety is hard when dealing with lots of other pain. It gets much easier if you actually treat the issues causing the pain. The real truth is that the "self medicating" is in fact the cause of the largest part , and the brain is lying to you and telling you that it is an attempt to treat it as opposed to the cause. While it is easy to say the cause was "xyz when i was 9 and last year when this person did this" , in reality you find the times those issues are most painful now is when you are trying to "self medicate" or considering drinking or drugs. Then they become so painful that the self medicating seems like an answer, but if not for the allowing yourself to do that, it would pass. When choose to drink instead for example then starts the circle of drink, feel worse and concentrate on that incident and think of nothing else even though it is what is causing the pain.
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I have stopped myself from drinking a few times this week because I know that it will only make me feel more depressed. Marijuana on the other hand actually does calm some of my anxiety BUT then it makes me more spaced out and unlikely to be productive. So it works in some aspects but then it ends up just being a distraction for a few hours. I actually run and do a lot of yoga but lately my depression has cut those things off. I do go on veryyyy long walks (sometimes up to 2 hours at a time) and that does make me feel better, to be outside with the trees and listen to the birds. I know I need to go run again at some point and it will help me a lot. Today I am going to get a massage to try and relieve some of the tension I have all over my body and I think that will help. Thank you both.
  5. ryuko

    ryuko tried and true

    temptation is a very difficult thing to go through. (however that goes without saying)

    the fact that youre considering/trying to go sober is an achievement itself~
    lightning05 likes this.
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