Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by nonethelessjaclyn, Oct 16, 2010.

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  1. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    it's really hard to concentrate on something when one thing is always on my mind. well, two things. one being cutting. whenever i do something wrong, i feel like i have too cut myself. if i let down a friend, or even miss a turn when going somewhere, i feel horrible. i just feel like i need to be punished for being such a fuck up.

    i haven't cut for about 4 months now. that's a record for me. i would have cut by now, but the only thing stopping me is the other thing that's always on my mind. my boyfriend. we made a deal before we started going out. if i cut myself, he gets do do drugs, and vice versa. (he's a recovering heroin addict) i don't want to let him down so i've been bottling up these emotions, and now they're all coming out. i'm so tempted right now, especially since my best friend just gave me a box of razors (to cut my hair and his).

    i just don't know what to do right now. i know that if i keep all these feelings bottled up, i'll break down and i might end up killing myself.

    i just need some advice on what i should do. usually i'm the one giving advice, so asking for help is something i'm not very good at.

    but i know i need help, so please, what do i do?
  2. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    being a person who's harmed for years, and is mostly recovered, i am somewhat skeptical about the relationship you have with your boyfriend. wait, no, that came out wrong. but i mean the deal that you have with him. if it works for you, then it works for you, but most people would advise against it because it just places more pressure on you. you sound like you need a way to let out your emotions... do you have a person you can talk to? if you're like me and you don't really... i find that doing something that matches my mood helps to get rid of the urge.

    so for example, if i'm angry i might go for a run. if i'm sad i'll soak in the bath for a while, or play piano. if i'm restless i'll play guitar, if i'm numb i'll take a cold shower. if it's a need for control, then maybe something that requires a lot of concentration? or if its the need to see blood, then food colouring's quite good, i've found. or fingerpainting... though i think i just revealed my age (or lack thereof) by saying that!!

    whatever you do, please look after yourself. know that if you do give in (i hope you don't but realistically everyone slips) that it isn't the end of the world, and that giving in DOESN'T place you back to where you started, before trying to recover.

  3. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    First off I would move those razors/not remove them but move them to a place that you feel secure with.

    Your not going to break down they are just tools used for a different use.
    You have proven you are strong enough to overcome this.

    The hard part think of something not associated with self harm at all, as some say happy thoughts(with in my opinion are confusing thoughts) try to distract yourself whether tv, a walk or for me for some reason pacing works, there are many different ways, but I'm sure you can find one.

    Sorry if this is no help but it is all I would do
  4. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    that is some good advice, thank you.

    i agree that is is a weird deal we made, but we did it to help eachother. neither of us want to upset the other, so either of us have broke our deal.
    i have tried going on a walk when i'm depressed, but being alone with my thoughs is a terrible thing. i found that listing to music helps, but i get tired of it easily. i've tried art, but i can never figure out what to draw.
  5. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    that's okay -- the point i was *really* trying to make was to distract yourself. but it's more constructive if you distract yourself with something that suits your mood because that way you're more likely to stick with it. get what i'm trying to say?

  6. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    yeah, i get what you're saying. i just need to find the right thing for me to do.
  7. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    like i replied to one of your other posts...ill post it here too :p

    coming from a person who used to be addicte to cutting. one thing... well may things that help me from not thinking of cutting is books. i love reading, its like when i read im in a other world. not my own, when i want to escape from reality i read, (im always with a book)
    and i found out writting helps too, instead of harming your self write down your emotions, let there be swearing let there be what ever you want, it your words. and art, i love painting too, the thing with art is there is no right and no wrong get a huge famed canvas dip your hands in paint and express how you feel. :) these things help me, and have stopped me cutting for so long.

    once i read, i forget that i was upset and my mind is all on the story i have read so far:)

    hope this has helped :)
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