it's really hard to concentrate on something when one thing is always on my mind. well, two things. one being cutting. whenever i do something wrong, i feel like i have too cut myself. if i let down a friend, or even miss a turn when going somewhere, i feel horrible. i just feel like i need to be punished for being such a fuck up. i haven't cut for about 4 months now. that's a record for me. i would have cut by now, but the only thing stopping me is the other thing that's always on my mind. my boyfriend. we made a deal before we started going out. if i cut myself, he gets do do drugs, and vice versa. (he's a recovering heroin addict) i don't want to let him down so i've been bottling up these emotions, and now they're all coming out. i'm so tempted right now, especially since my best friend just gave me a box of razors (to cut my hair and his). i just don't know what to do right now. i know that if i keep all these feelings bottled up, i'll break down and i might end up killing myself. i just need some advice on what i should do. usually i'm the one giving advice, so asking for help is something i'm not very good at. but i know i need help, so please, what do i do?