If it was not for my father having cancer, I would be very tempted to either try an OD or take myself inpatient. Either one though would be very cruel to my family. First because if I did succeed my parents would be so hurt. Second going IP would mean I am not supporting my family when everything is so hard now. I am so numb now though. I also feel so useless in helping anyone including myself. More I stay as is the more depressed I get. For now I am stuck as is.