Terminal Absurdity - Business

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by Event_Horizon, Jun 13, 2013.

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  1. Event_Horizon

    Event_Horizon SF Supporter

    Warning, the following is somewhat rancid and challenging, partially absurd but sadly based on more truth than I would like. Obviously it is not a genuine proposal.

    An investment opportunity

    Ah I am glad I have your attention so here it is the proposition. The world is facing a hunger crisis, hard to believe with all the rampant obesity. The demand for cheap food is high. As yet there is an entire untapped resource. Do you have any idea how many cats and dogs are euthanised in this great country? Well it is a lot. That is a lot of wasted meat allowed to simply rot.

    That is where we step in, we take this discarded meat and process it. Now I know what you are thinking no one in their right mind will eat dog or cat. Poor fluffy. Well they will if they don't know about it. The general public already eat crushed beetles with out knowing about it. It is just a matter of re-branding. We have a good lobbying team applying pressure on government to alter labelling laws in our favour. There is concerted pressure from other food giants to alter how specific we have to be when labelling our products. With the right money in the right pockets. Dog and cat meat becomes simply, 'meat product.' America has had amazing success at concealing GMO labelling even with all the possible risks and opposition. We can certainly achieve the same result.

    There are many existing companies who would line up to buy our 'meat product' and get it to the wider market. Which means significant gains for you and I. With a lot of room for growth. But lets cover some possible troublesome areas.


    Well I assure you we have a good team of accountants that are well schooled in tax law. They will find for us every loop hole and flexible law that can be bent screaming in our favour. So we will have to barely pay a thing. If that means building offices in Ireland then so be it. Now I know tax avoidance is unpopular with the general public. But being unpopular does not really hurt profits all that badly. It has a tendency to blow over, people are rather distractable. You may be concerned that government are going to step in and tighten up on these laws. But many of these politicians are in bed with big business, or have friends and family involved. Some of them even run their own large businesses. So they would be damaging their own profits. Those outside of the bubble will be cowed by threat. A lot of mega companies have threatened to leave to more hospitable climes if they do bring in anything unfavourable to our interests, like repressive tax laws. That would be an assured disaster for an already fragile economy. So we have them over a barrel. A bit of 'charitable donation' in the right minister pockets as well as lucrative employment opportunities once their term is through keeps many sweet to our agenda. The media machine is also helping by diverting attention to benefit recipients and other undesirables. So there really is little to fear.


    Recession is wonderful it means there is an entirely disposable workforce that will simply be grateful to have any job regardless of how terrible the terms. Right now with workfare we have an unprecedented opportunity to essentially gain free labour. These jobless would be gaining work experience only and being paid in their benefit which the government provides. We don't even have to pay them! All we have to do is dangle the carrot there are available paid positions open. The books will reflect that but there is no actual pressure to hire any of these people. It is more profitable to just keep getting fresh workfare recipients in and let them naturally turn over. It is as close to slave labour as we are going to get that is still legal.

    Obviously our company cannot survive solely on those on workfare. However to save in costs the bulk of paid employees will be put on zero hour contracts and paid minimum wage. It is a shame we can't get any lower in pay but there is some pressure being applied to have minimum wage entirely scrapped. With a bit of concerted effort government will eventually crack to combined corporate pressure and the realisation it is the only way to stay competitive with the rest of the world. Regardless with zero hour contracts it means we don't have to pay them sick pay, or vacation days. It also means we can ignore agency laws. Even though our employees will barely be able to afford rent and utilities they always have the option of getting a second job or going to government cap in hand and get their wages topped up. Which is great for us it means we don't even have to consider paying them a decent living wage.


    There are some dangers, the meat product has been found to contain trace elements of known cancer causing compounds due to how the animals are disposed of. They fall below what is considered dangerous levels but no study has been done on what effect this may have on the consumer over the long term, especially if they are a heavy consumer. However our own experiments on a monkey population did suggest a higher trend of cancerous growths in younger developing monkeys. Our own findings however have been meticulously hidden and data massaged carefully into a more favourable format should it be found. Further intensive studies will be discontinued. Even if it is discovered we had prior knowledge it would be hard to prove any incidents of cancer did not come from another source like car pollutants or pesticides. So we always have plausible deniability on our side.


    You look alarmed, don't be. I am sure it will be fine and even if it is not we have contingency plans in place. About those later. We are talking a lot of money to be made here. At some point though we will be rumbled, it only takes a DNA test to determine what is in the meat product. This is not as disastrous as you may think. By then we will have enough money to throw into the media circus. Enough people will have eaten the meat product to not be moved by it. A sort of accepting apathy. Those that are angered will have to take it up with government as they are the ones that made the labelling laws in the first place. We would have done nothing but worked within the confines of the law. The threat to our profits is minimal. The blame is some one else’s.

    All the while we can pay a paper or two to encourage stories of how natural it is to eat cat and dog. Other cultures have been doing it for years. Maybe get some stories and bogus studies out there on the health benefits of dog and cat meat. Nowadays so few people are possessed of critical thinking how is any one going to separate fact from fiction? Those that can fall in the minority and ironically are often simply looked down upon as conspiracy theorists. Obviously we can't be seen to source those stories. But it is easy enough to conceal the money trail and get the right people singing our tune.

    Then we use an aggressive ad campaign to get across the message that dog and cat is good to eat. Repeat the same message enough it becomes truth. Maybe with a catchy jingle that sticks in memory. Many children are proof of the effectiveness of this technique, they can recognise brand labelling and slogans but can barely name a vegetable or realise fries come from potatoes. We can entirely exploit this level of ignorance to our benefit. Maybe throw in some kind of toy with every Meat product burger, maybe name them Fun Time Burgers and make those happy associations early. We have a crack team of psychologists and advertisers working out how best to imprint our product on young minds early. As it is demonstrated that what is enjoyed as a child is often enjoyed as an adult. Securing us long term consumers that can always fall back on our brand. Hopefully not too much or we might be adding to the obesity epidemic. If we do it right we may get even more consumers than we started with.


    Lets say that there is some correlation between our meat product and cancer that can some how be demonstrated and a bunch of bereaved get together and file a lawsuit. It has got to then go through the legal system. Most of our consumer base will come from a much poorer demographic of society. Meaning they will be reliant on legal aid and on the small number of lawyers willing to take the case. That is if they can even get access to legal aid in the first place. In contrast they will be up against some of the best lawyers in the country that we have sitting on our payroll backed by near limitless funds. Reality is not a Disney film the underdog rarely wins. They just get stamped on and put back in their place.

    There are three ways to proceed. We can simply stall and drag out proceedings for as long as possible, racking up legal costs on the opposition until they are hurting and lose the taste for the fight. They may even go bankrupt. After a while it may soften them up to take an out of court settlement.

    We could just settle straight away paying out a lot less than we would if we do go to trial. But this will reek of a guilty conscience. But this does mitigate a lot of negative media fallout and stems the snowball effect.

    Even if we lose in court we can simply write off the costs as acceptable losses. Because that is all they are. Part and parcel of business.

    Just Business.

    It is a simple numbers game, paying out for a bunch of sick kids that may have got sick any way is a drop in the ocean compared to the profits we will be raking in. We would be mad to not continue, just look at the tobacco industry. They are somewhat in decline but they are no exactly hurting. If you think moral outrage will make much of a difference you would be wrong. How many times has Nike been caught employing child labour and running dangerous sweatshops? Plenty, yet it is still producing trainers, hell even première footballers are wearing them. People want what they want and rarely think of the wider ramifications. Apple have turned their brand into a near religion while all the while their Chinese workers leap off factory roofs. Last I heard they did install safety nets.

    So if the consumer does not care and can't see past their nose why should we?

    I have yet to discover a business that was simply boycotted into insolvency. A slump in profits maybe, some public shaming of sorts. A pointless Face Book campaign or some laughable online petition. These merely provide the illusion of consumer power. To vote with ones feet. Nestle is a prime example of how effective that is. They are even responsible for significant number of infant deaths that continue to this day and vast destruction of the rainforest, yet people still cram their faces with their oh so delicious chocolate bars.

    Or we could look at GlaxoSmithKline. Paxil is an antidepressant that has been linked with a spate of rather sudden adolescent suicides and horrific birth defects. They also hid prior clinical trials that revealed these dangers. Has it been pulled from the shelf? No, it is still on the market to this day. Not only is it still on the market as they soak up a growing number of lawsuits, clearly they understand acceptable losses. Now they have lost the monopoly on their patent other companies have gotten into the act and are pumping out generic varieties with all the same problems.

    Don't even get me started on the arms industry and its web of high placed connections, one of the few industries that can indeed control supply and demand and makes no secret it is built on bodies.

    As you can see business soldiers on without conscience.

    In Conclusion

    So my suggestion is put aside those nagging doubts, think instead how you can retire in comfort. Your personal wealth protecting you from any ramifications and an increasingly volatile world. When that grief stricken father who shared one too many Fun Time Burgers with his son does climb your high gated community fences they will simply run into security and get to spend time at her majesties pleasure. While you enjoy your mansion with five pools. If that is not enough buy yourself something nice, a sporty car, a private jet or even more fittingly how about, http://img560.imageshack.us/img560/395/justbusiness.jpg
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    An excellent piece of writing that points out many things that people should be aware of or have as considerations when they hear about things. Thank you for sharing Adam.
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Another great piece, Adam. Hope folks will give a read.
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I am a firm believer that we should all only eat the food that we kill or grow ourselves. For this very reason. I am aware of all the poisonous and disgusting things they use in food under the excuse of preservation. Like human hair, fetus cells, spoiled meat, man-made industrial waste, anti freeze... the list never ends. It wouldn't surprise me if dogs and cats are already processed as meat. It wouldn't surprise me if they start recycling people in this way.
    Who is to say they haven't?
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