Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by itmahanh, Jan 8, 2010.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If you went to your doctor and found out that you had a terminal illness, would you want to know how long you have left to live? Why or why not?
  2. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    I'm facing this very prospect, at this moment, and right now, the answer is , no.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    The longer I keep putting off my treatment the greater the risk of my cancer becoming terminal as well. And I wouldnt want to know. I'd rather enjoy the time left than be hospitalized and isolated from the outdoors and my kids and those I call friends.
  4. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Its early days for me to be honest. I stuggle to find one good reason to live.
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry for your grave illnesses itmahanh and yorkie bar and hope you beat them without much suffering :hugtackles:.

    I would rather know because I imagine my mental faculties and physical abilities would be in a steep decline near my projected death so I would try to plan my time with loved ones accordingly.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would want to know if only to be able tohave control of my life in the end. to see what other treatments there were elsewhere as well. Not knowing would just eat me up. take care.
  7. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I would rather know, so I can make peace with myself and (hopefully) make the most of what time I had left. Like violet, not knowing when but knowing it was inevitable would drive me up the wall.

    And I'm sorry to hear you are ill Itmahanh and yorkie. I hope that your suffering is not too great, and that it gets better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2010
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I started a poll like this a while back as I too was curious...here it is if you would like to talk a look at some of the replies and what others had to say then....


    I would said no because my disease (and to be frank they maybe changing my diagnosis soon here but not to something much better) has a very nasty progression that would cause me to be burden on others, it is terminal and incurable with no good supportive care to be given as there is in many cancers. This has been hard on my family, gosh where were they when the depression was kicking my ass?

    There are so many stories of hope and many of remission-not sure what you a faced with so maybe I am wrong about this.

    It is a highly personal choice but one thing that has come out of it so far is I have shown my father who suffers from depression a view on life he never had and it has changed him for the better. And I continue to be hear on SF to somehow give my life meaning and more importantly to give meaning to the pains I have endured.

    It is so very hard as there are two basic scenarios...the who had depression and then got "sick" and those that got depressed as a result of being "sick". Many times it is hard to tell which is which that is for sure.

    I think because we are sad the news of an illness is a relief in some ways...like tangible evidence that is accepted by society and people reach out. I remember my family flying down during the final tests and all I could think you come now? It was hard not to be angry. My folks want me to live up there and I am inclined to do so for their sake and perhaps maybe as a family we can learn together how to be for each other in ways that normally would not face....yes they may forgive me for little things because "she could go at anytime" but maybe they would forgive because they would see in the big scheme of things love means accepting.

    My PM box is open Carla anytime if you would like to discuss this...sorry as I did not know this is one of your struggles and I am here for you and of course can relate.

    Well check out the past thread and lets see if folks have changed their outlook at all.

    Love you B
  9. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Just read your thread again B.

    I would decline treatment, although the fact it does seem to have made my kids 'reassess' makes you start thinking, If someone can fly half way round the world to help you, hmmmm............... is it being fair on other people? although today i'm in that downward spiral again ( can't even make it to my diary).

    Still have'nt heard from the hospital. 3 weeks now - stupid nhs. I don't care. Still nobody can understand why i have'nt been in touch............................

    yorkie xx
  10. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    See Bluegrey and Tobes above; those are my sentiments

    To Carla and Yorkie...I'm so glad I have the chance to pm with you!

  11. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Thankyou mike xx
  12. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I'd absolutely want to know the doctor's best estimate of my remaining lifespan. In fact, that would be my very first question. The answer would have a huge impact on how I spend the rest of my time, in terms of getting my affairs in order, checking into hospice if necessary, and so on. It's tough to make big plans like that without some sort of timetable.
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    See and I wouldnt want to know for those exact reasons. You'd spend too much of what little time you would have wasting it on material things. And not spending it to the best of your abilities with loved ones.

    I have a dear dear friend that passed from breast cancer several years ago. She spent so much time in the hospital for treatments, then sick at home for days afterwards because of the treatment. Her kids never got to spend real quality time with her during all this. And she was a trooper. She held her job til the end, did the after school "drive bys" as we called them to drop off and pick up kids from all their activities, still volunteered when she could, tried to attend PT meetings etc. Unfortunately her husband was an ass and wouldnt help her with any of this. He even refused her a vehicle so 2 of us would take her to treatments etc. and help get the kids to where they needed to go.

    She did go into remission but it wasnt for long. Then she was hit hard and lost her battle. And I think all that time put into things that in the end didnt make a lick of difference. Not to her family or friends. She left 2 precious children behind. Yes they discussed in great detail what was and would probably happen. So they were not suprised. But they felt so empty. They didnt really know their mom. And that haunts them still today.

    And her husband? I was in the pward when she was brought in the day before she passed. I went to her room to visit her that evening. She was trying so hard to "be there" for all the family and friends that were crowded into her small dingy hospital room. We had a moment to talk and she said, come back tomorrow morning so we can plan the dance costumes. That night a nurse came into my room just after midnight and said my friend needed me. I got there as her last breath was gurgling out. I did the only thing I knew to do. I got into the bed with her, laid there her hand in mine and gave her a kiss goodbye. The whole time her husband was sitting at the foot of the bed. I didnt even know he was there!!! Then I hear him say, well she's gone. I wonder if she knew I loved her? That was when I decided I didnt want to know if this was ever to be my end. I want to know who loves me and let all those I love know that for certain too.

    Also knowing I think people in general give up to a degree. I dont want to be that type fo person. I think not knowing might even help to postpone the date to a degree. Having that information always looming in your future, ticking off the days, feeling yourself getting worse.

    Just me but if I'm gonna go anyway why not get all that I can out of that time then waste it with docs, meds, treatments and dragging my loved ones down with me. I want them to remember me for who I was and not what the illness made me into.
  14. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I would want to know when.
    When I was told I have had heart attacks my reaction was "oh! Cool". I imediatly saw my way out. I would like to know when so I don't die on the shitter....lol.
    As gruesome as this sounds I do feel for all of you who have legitimate illness.
    I prayed to God for two years to strike me down with a heart attack. This once very healthy body is now going downhill fast!
  15. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I respect your strength, for sure. Even though I'm sitting here in excellent physical health, I've all but given up on life entirely at this point. As morbid as it might sound, I would be somewhat comforted by knowing that my end was imminent- it would only legitimize the way I feel already. But that's just me, and I never had much courage to speak of. If you can live and love without ever giving up, I salute you.
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