Terrible Day

[Jane65]

I thought that being in hospital was as bad as it could get until this morning. i don't have the enrgy to explain what ocurred except what the nurses said would happen today they then totally turned about and changed their minds today. I feel even more broken than when I first arrived and the suicidal feelings are at 10. I can't talk to the nursing staff they dont have time to sit and lsiten to patients and I am absolutely sure they have no idea about dissociative identity disorder so talking to them would be very difficult and probably make me feel even worse if that were even posssible.
I hate being alive. I have hated New Years Eve for a long time and this year to top it off I am worried about my dog being scared of fireworks and whether the people looking after him will be able to support him well so that he is not too scared. It's a bit hippocritical of me to be worrying about him when I am so selfish that I can not contemplate staying alive for him.
Living is just too damn painful.

 

[may71]

Hugs Jane

Can you be in touch with your therapist while you're in the hospital? I wonder if there's also a way you can get word about how your dog is doing. He's probably fine, but if they could send you a short video or pic of him, that might help reassure you.

Living is just too damn painful.

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, and really unfairly. I wish I could do more to help.

More hugs

 

[Jane65]

Hi @may71 I am very grateful and lucky to be reciving phone calls twice a day from my therapy support workers. My therapist is on holiday but the phone calls are the only thing holding me together at the moment.
Unfortunately the couple looking after Skipper are not really good with technology and don't know how to send photos. I haven't even felt able to ring them. I feel too ashamed that they have been pushed into looking after him. They obviously like him but dont want their life turned upside down by an active little chap for very long.
I did ask the friend who took him over to them to ring them and tell them about his firework phobia and how playing with him helps. I just have to try to believe he will be fine. How dare I judge anyone else's care of him when I totally abandoned him

 

[dandelion s]

Hi Jane,

I was sure i replied to you in the DID thread a couple weeks ago. maybe in another thread? I’m not diagnosed as DID myself but i certainly believe i’m in a similar situation.

but first, concerning your dog, i don’t know if what i have to say is helpful, but when i had a dog years ago, i found that he always did way better alone than i was expecting. i think a dog becomes more self reliant when alone. he may handle it better than you think.

as for DID, i posted about this and ESD (a link is in my signature) and found “persecutory alters” to be exactly what goes inside me with a “person” i call hijacker who up to very recently has been quite brutal to me. things have changed recently and have improved greatly. i’m happy to talk about it any time if you ever want to. i believe things do get better. i think my experience could be helpful. so any time you would like,... i’m around and happy to talk.

 

[may71]

I am very grateful and lucky to be reciving phone calls twice a day from my therapy support workers

I'm glad you're getting calls from them

How dare I judge anyone else's care of him when I totally abandoned him

Please don't be so harsh on yourself. You went to the hospital because it was likely necessary to prevent you from making a suicide attempt. You really did the most responsible thing both for your own and Skipper's care.

I feel too ashamed that they have been pushed into looking after him

Taking care of a dog for a short while isn't a big deal, especially if they like dogs.

I did ask the friend who took him over to them to ring them and tell them about his firework phobia and how playing with him helps

Would you feel comfortable asking the friend to report back on how Skipper is doing?

 

[Jane65]

Thank you for being so kind @may71 It is very much appreciated. I feel so lost and alone in this horrid place so the contact here in this forum along with the phone calls from my therapy support worker is invaluable.
I don't feel able to ask for any more from my friend just at the moment. She has done so much for me this week and I dont want to risk damaging our friendship. I will talk to the support worker tomorrow about how I can get an update on how Skipper is doing. They may be prepared to ring for me....
Anyway, better get into bed soon before I get so cold I cant move. I have my coat on and have been freezing cold all day. The staff just keep saying they dont think the thermostat is working in this room but no one has suggested they will report it for repair!
Goodnight to anyone reading and I wish you all a much better year than 2020 has been.

 

[may71]

Thank you

You're welcome!

The staff just keep saying they dont think the thermostat is working in this room but no one has suggested they will report it for repair!

That's awful. It's bad enough to need to be there, and worse that they are giving you such poor care. Maybe telling your support workers would help?

I wish you all a much better year than 2020 has been

Wishing you a better year too Jane. I hope you'll be reunited with Skipper soon, and get lots of dog kisses!

 

[may71]

I am worried about my dog being scared of fireworks

I used to have a Yorkshire Terrier. She was blind, and absolutely terrified of thunder and loud noises.

I read that putting a couple drops of mineral oil in a dog's ears will temporarily reduce the sensitivity of a dog's ears, so I tried that out during one particularly loud thunderstorm, and it seemed to work well.

There are probably some articles available online that would confirm that this works, or offer some better solutions.