So yesterday was my birthday. Big 21. Most people would be excited right? I guess I'm not most people. My grandparents came over and most of us celebrated (everyone but me). I'll be honest, all I wanted was to be fucking left alone. The whole night, all I could think about was killing myself. In years past, I would have really tried hard to cover up my feelings and act like I was having a good time, but in the last 6 or 7 months, I've completely said "Fuck it". I didn't even try to act like I was enjoying myself. I didn't smile, I didn't talk to anyone. I'm so sick of all these god damn fake feelings. Putting on fake smiles for people, acting like I give a shit about myself or anyone else. I'm fucking through. I guess one good thing came out of last night. I'm legal now, and that means all the alcohol I can drink. That should numb the pain. So if I'm not dead within the next year, expect me to be a raging alcoholic.