Terrified I'm having a nervous breakdown

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Yvette, Sep 18, 2014.

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  1. Yvette

    Yvette Active Member

    Over the last month things have been getting increasingly worse; I am losing control of my ability to think. I am getting intrusive thoughts. It's like my mind has been wiped blank and just replaced by irrational fears and obsessions. This has been accompanied by other mental changes too. Acute anxiety initially, palpitations for over two weeks continuously and when I went to GP nothing wrong with heart. At times I have been too anxious to have appetite to eat, now more recently appetite voracious. The depression over this period of time has lingered.I have never been depressed like this before. I have lost all enjoyment of life, I am in bed most days unless the one day I committed to work as a volunteer and I am still trying to force myself. I look at people around me and I no longer feel part of the world, I feel like I'm in a little bubble on the outside looking in. I have cried every day over this period of time. My nervous system feels like it is breaking down too. It's embarrassing but I keep getting this twitching/muscle spasm in my left bum cheek. This is happening throughout the day for over two weeks.

    I am scared, I don't feel safe at home, I don't feel safe outdoors. I wish I could just remove my brain and be at peace. The world and my intrusive obsessive thoughts are too much for me to take. I just can't think normally anymore; I don't know what's happening to me. I can't handle the environment anymore; too much stimuli, talking, TV, reading. I feel I am being bombarded from every angle and I just cannot process it. My thoughts often ramble to things which are incoherent to me, my mind is a confused jumbled mess. I don't even know what a nervous breakdown is, but something really scary is happening to me and I don't know where to turn.

    Every day I wake up I feel even worse anxiety knowing I have to experience this another day. I feel like my only option now is to suicide. I have even started getting resources together, but need to obtain the suitable drugs which may be difficult. I just know now there is no way out other than this. It scares me as I never thought my life would come to this, at least not so soon (I am 30 years old). I wish someone could hold my hand through this and help me die. The next couple of weeks are going to be really tough dealing with this by myself, but I know I need to make a decision. Either continue to live in mental suffering or end my life.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    There are other ways to end your suffering Yvette, have you talked to anyone about your mental situation? A Doctor, therapist? (I know you saw GP, but not sure what was said).
    When did this begin, was there a trigger?
  3. Yvette

    Yvette Active Member

    My GP thinks depression but not sure depression can explain all these symptoms.
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    try a different gp who might help you more
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Was about to say the same as Scary.
    If one GP doesn't get it, ask the receptionist (am assuming you have a group practice), to make an appointment for you with a doctor with some psychiatric understanding.
    Depression can cause terrible anxiety, but your GP should have gone into it more with you.
  6. Yvette

    Yvette Active Member

    My GP prescribed me antidepressant yesterday, but not sure if I will take it. I have not been on any medication before (preferring to use natural approach to health). Now everything has changed and there are no options for me. I am scared of potential side effects, and I have heard lots of negative stuff about anti depressants. If I don't take them I don't know how things will move forward as every time I see GP it's the same story about depression. Like I said I don't know if my symptoms can all be explained by depression, and I don't think the GP and other health professional I saw don't really listen to my story. They just latch onto the low mood part and want to fix that with the antidepressant.
  7. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    You can first do an online search about the type and brand name of anti depressant that your doctor gave you. Take note of both the potential side effects and beneficial effects. Take the medication and share your observations when you next see your doctor.

    Presently, the most important thing is to do whatever is needed to help your mind relax and tone down suicidal impulses. It's ok if you don't agree that your symptoms can be explained by the depression label. I don't agree at all that my symptoms are sufficiently explained by depression either, but I still took the anti depressant for at least a year and took every opportunity to ask the doctor about his professional views of the side effects that I had observed on my physical and emotional well-being during most of the follow-up appointments.

    Let us know how things are going for you.
  8. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, you related to my feelings yesterday. Everyday I feel down but with determination I cope for another day. You need to focus on life as the recovery process is taking one day at a time. I do that and try to help others here as much as I can. The most important thing is that you are a SURVIVOR and will continue to be.
  9. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I would actively ask your GP about other options. One on one counseling maybe. I was assessed when I asked for psychotherapy and they agreed it would be useful for me, mainly because I really pushed for it. Also it might be worth varying your daily routine and committing acts of kindness towards yourself as well as others. Depression is a big umbrella and can cover many symptoms but it certainly sounds like you have an extreme case and they're not really giving you enough help. I would say to them 'I need more than just drugs' don't be afraid to. I did that and it worked (well it will once my course starts, which is soon))
    Very best wishes
  10. Yvette

    Yvette Active Member

    I was fired today from my new job through no real fault of my own, just two days into working. I have lost all hope now, my life is just one problem after another. I just want to give up and die, nothing ever works out for me and people constantly let me down. I have lost faith in humans and I've lost faith in myself. I just don't have the energy to fight anymore, all my efforts just seem in vain.
  11. fosty

    fosty Well-Known Member

    I admire you for being able to hold down a full time job at all, I can't. Really sad to read your words, at least you're coming on here and looking for something. so you maybe haven't given up yet. i know magic so i'll ask the sun to wake up and remember you :)
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You can try the anti-depressants Yvette, you can always stop if the side effects are too much. I know how you feel, not sure about them myself but they help a lot of people and maybe they will help.
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