Okay. This is probably a bit of a strange post to put on a Suicide Forum, but there may have been others before the same iunno. When I first came here there was bullying issues at school etc, cba to go into that again, and I did want to die, but didn't because I didn't want to leave mum etc etc. So at one point I was suicidal. Got better from that over a period of time. Did college, work, drama, met people, had some good times, some shit ones but they've more been situations more than depression again. Well, basically. I'm terrified of dying. I hate the thought of one day closing my eyes and never opening them again. I've never really told anyone this before. But I really do. I don't sleep unless I just doze off, for fear of never waking up again. The other night I was just sat in bed reading and just burst into tears because I looked around my room and thought 'One day all this won't mean anything. I won't be here. This won't be here. All the money in the world doesn't mean a thing because at the end of the day, however much we have, however much we spend on things, one day, its all just not going to be here anymore.' I am kinda strange really I guess. In a lot of ways I cba to get into. And even if I'm the happiest person in the world at a certain moment in time, I'll remember or think of something and I can come right back down so quickly. I have friends and everything. And even when I sit and think about them. Most of them, bar one or two, are like adults, either family or older friends I've made through drama who mean everything to me. I love them all so much. And just the thought they won't be here one day either. I don't want to have to see people I love go...and I don't want to have to go. I want to stay. Its selfish I know...and I know we have to make room for other people to come. And I know that we should 'live life to the full. enjoy every minute etc etc'. Been told all that. But really. I just can't stand the thought of dying. I'm actually terrified. :/ Don't necessarily need anyone to reply to this. Just wanted to say it.