I went out a bit tonight to support a few friends playing action cricket. Their opponents didn't show up, and we ended up playing a friendly game between friends. It's been a while since I had to do something in public where quite a few people are watching. Suddenly I felt tense, and everything within me almost screaming don't play, don't put yourself at risk of embarrasing yourself. I've always had a problem of doing anything in front of others where I could potentially embarrass myself. Up until now, I couldn't figure out why it is that I would become SO tense when it is just between friends that I know and feel comfortable with most of the time. I've realized tonight that it's not really about the fear of embarrassing myself. I'm more afraid of showing that I'm afraid to embarrass myself - if that makes any sense... In most situations throughout each day, I'm terrified. I don't know why and I've stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. For example, I can feel entirely comfortable talking to someone one moment, and the next my nerves are killing me for some reason. And this can be with anyone - a stranger, a friend, a best friend and even family. Could it be that that old saying of "The only thing to fear is fear itself" rings too true for me? Am I terrified that someone else will find out I'm terrified all the time? And how did that start in the first place? If someone else has had a similar experience, I would really like to hear about it. No matter how much progress I make, I just can't seem to get rid of this stressed, anxious, panicked feeling.