Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Coasty, Nov 14, 2012.

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  1. Coasty

    Coasty Member

    Right. This is hard. Bear with me, please.

    Um, maybe I'll tell you a bit about myself, which might explain how I came to be here? That might work. Sorry if I'm rambling but I'm about out of my mind with panic.

    Anyway, I'm a 31 year old man. A former soldier currently serving as a coastguard officer and trying to join the Royal Navy. I'm also a UK Civil Air Patrol pilot and a volunteer firefighter so, as you can see, I have a lot to lose if my current state of mind ever becomes known to certain parties.

    That's my problem, you see...how do I get help without jeopardising all the things I love doing? If I go to someone they'll lock me up or at least put down on paper somewhere that I'm 'mental' or something and then I really would have nothing to live for.

    I haven't been quite right for a few months after being involved with a SAR mission that was only partly successful. Now it seems my reaction to even the slightest problem is 'I know, I'll go and kill myself'.

    I can't talk to my wife as she's angry at me just now for being so selfish and irritable lately and I'm scared to leave the room because if I do I know the next place I go will be the shop to get< edit mod total eclipse method>

    I don't want to die like that, <edit mod total eclipse mehtod> but I feel I have to.

    I don't know what to do.

    I'm sorry about this. My head is pounding and I can't seem to see. I don't know if any of this makes sense. Sorry.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 14, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun there a many military people that are suffering from PTSD from trauma they have endured I understand your fears about going to get help but you must hun if not you will not be able to function as you should in your career. You can go to a private psychologist one that will have to keep you records confidential make sure he agrees to this before starting
    Without help hun you will only deteriorate more so please hun reach out YOu deserve help hun you do so much for others now it is time to do something for YOU
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    You may not like this response! But you MUST put yourself first in this situation. I know you have a LOT to lose, actually it's your life! You really do have to put your mental health first. I'd say go to your G.P. and ask them to keep confidentiality. If they think you are not a danger to anyone or yourself they won't have to tell anyone. But I guess that is the problem, you may be a danger to yourself. It really is a tricky tough situation.

    Another suggestion how about calling the samaritans confidentially and talking to them about your feelings(you don't have to tell them your work) and they can help by listening? Just a suggestion :) I really hope you recover. You can beat this.! Good luck, Lynn.
  4. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I agree that it does seem as though your work has affected you and that you need help. If you don't feel up to trusting a GP or other professional, you can always talk here (or both).

    I would suggest that you DO talk to your wife. If she knows how you feel, it may help her understand why you've been so irritable etc lately. She may be able to help you - at least give her a chance.

    Good luck and Take care.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Is there private care you can get which would be off the radar? In the US, PTSD does not have the stigma it used to have, but I will defer to some of our military ppl here, one of whom is on staff, and I will ask him/her about your issue...please get help and feel better which is more critical than any profession you may have.
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Hey Coasty - you have a difficult situation but I believe there are some ways to deal with it with some small compromises or effort. I have sent you a PM and would be pleased to hear from you and continue this discussion in a bit more detail.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  7. Coasty

    Coasty Member

    Thanks for all the replies. I'm feeling a lot better today. It just comes over me sometimes, you know? I'm not even sure why.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    So glad to hear you are feeling a lot better today :) It can be hard but keep it up! x
  9. Coasty

    Coasty Member

    I think sometimes everything just gets a bit much. I can usually keep it together in the face of all manner of horrible things, but a night of bad dreams and a minor argument with my wife just pushed me too far this time. Strange, really.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You need to learn some relaxation techniques. I totally get where you're coming from with the bad dreams and fighting with wife. I used to have really bad fights with bf. When it gets too bad just walk away and try to clear your head. As for the bad dreams, they're only dreams... remember that. :) I know they can affect you but don't let them affect your day if you can. :)
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Also, it is great to see you coming here for support. This site is a great source of support for me, but it is not a substitute for professional help.
  12. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    Not strange. Understandable. Like the straw that breaks the camels back, sometimes the tiniest things can be too much, not because of the weight of they themselves but because of all the other things we're already carrying. Does that make sense?

    I'm glad you're feeling better.
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