Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by struggling, Sep 30, 2007.

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  1. struggling

    struggling Antiquitie's Friend

    Been v low lately so saw my psych who started changing my meds,gradually reducing one and bringing in another on Wednesday. So Friday night after a long talk to the crisis team I go downstairs tell my husband that Ive taken my usual pills and that Im going to bed. I wake up at 1am to see to my 4yr old whod woken and realise Im still dressed but in different clothes than I was wearing. I dont sleep the rest of the night wondering whats happening to me. It turns out that after saying I was going to bed I had a couple of really big drinks(which is out of character) a conversation with the older kids and my husband about being really tired and then went out for a walk alone in the dark on an unlit road. I texted my husband to tell him to let me be and spoke to the crisis team again, apparently lucidly, I was picked up by a friend who my husband had rung(he had thought of calling the police) and brought home to bed v drunk and unsteady. Id then tried again to go out and was taken back to bed. I remember nothing-not even the intention to drink, no conversations, nothing. Im terrified now to be alone. At least when Ive done stupid things before I can remember the intention to do them, and a little of what Ive done. I feel soooo unsafe. I dont trust myself to drive or be alone withn the kids-What if I do something else stupid without meaning to? or not really being aware?I phased out completely. My psychotherapist said it could be disassociation. Im scared big time. My moods so low anyway and thoughts of self harm are always there. If Im going to do something I want to be in control of it, I want it to be me,the whole me that wants it, not just a part of me thats not connected to the rest. If my mind can make me do things without me being wholly aware Im in deep trouble. I cant win. To survive I have to cope, I have to feel safe and I dont. I cant see any further than fear.....
  2. npain42long

    npain42long Active Member

    not sure what is making you have periods of 'amnesia' however, you need to let your doc know. this is very dangerous. i know this sounds crazy, but take a walk, get your family to go with you. i keep reading about how the endorphins are like a euphoric high that takes over the sense of depression. i tried it this morning and it worked. let me know how you are doing?
  3. struggling

    struggling Antiquitie's Friend

    Thanks for the reply. Im still here and still terrified. Think Im going nuts but have told my doc and others so they're keeping an eye on me which makes me feel worse!I'll get thru it somehow but dont think I'll cope if it happens again.
    Thanks again,:smile:,
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you let them know what was going on so they can watch. I am not sure if it could be a side effect of one of the new meds. If possible, see if there may be a pattern. Has it happened since? I hope you find the solution. It is frightening to lose time and what you are doing. :hug:
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