Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by itmahanh, Jan 17, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Everything is out of control. Completely. I can't make the thoughts stop. I'm so scared. Just do it over and over in my head. I have to drive the little one soon and I'm so scared that I think I'm going to puke. No time to plan. And if not then, when? It's the not knowing that is the worst. Never been this way before. Just hope it will all be over soon.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Fight the negative thoughts itmahanh. Don't let them control your life. You're in control of your life.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dave I haven't been in control of my life since I was about 13. It's always someone or something else. And I can't do this anymore. I've "fought a good fght" but now it's time to step down. Nobody understands, I have to let go of my life. For me and everybody. I'm not going to fight these thoughts anymore. It's just too damn tiring. Let happen whatever will. I'm done. Time for daycare, and I'm just putting it off staying here typing.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support


    Come on, Itma. This too shall pass. It does. The thoughts come, they're nasty and persistent, and they go again. (And yes, I understand they come back.) The thing is, when you are finally finished with dealing with them, they don't come back at you in the same way and not as often. Things become more manageable. The feelings of the moment shouldn't be what determines the rest of your future. Don't let your past have that much power over you now. Really. You are worth much than the past would have you believe.

    Please don't act on any of your thoughts. Instead, you might ride your horse, go for a walk, make snowballs and throw them at a wal...Spend the energy in a non-self-harming way...please.

  5. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I hope you are safe. I can only imagine how hard you are struggling. Please know that i care, please think about your toddler.
    Hugs SS
  6. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I understand the madness and the feeling of not being in control of your life. It's understandable considering what we've been through. There are things we have control over even if it's hard to see. I'm not sure I know enough about your situation. only a bit from what I've seen in post. I'll share this with you however...

    I have moments like now when I'm hurting and yet pushing on..then there are moments such as the one you helped me through with your post. And there's something you had control of. You had the ability to positively affect someone's life.

    Now I know full well how it was when I felt like I couldn't take care of myself and I still have disadvantages since I can't drive and live in the country, but I've realized once away that I can make choices and I can take back control. At times the past takes over and I would rather hide under the bed..but there are the other times and I hope they grow as I keep going.

    I lost my pregnancies due to the abuse and I mourn the loss of children I never had. It's terrible when you get no or very little time with a child. And it's unfair to have a child taken away by any means. My own father lost a son like that and hasn't seen him or even known where he is in over 39 years. I've seen the pain it causes him and I wish I could have known my half-brother. It is very unfair and it is something we didn't have control over and it must be very painful for you.

    Control is sometimes simply making a choice. You can control your choices. You can make important decisions. You can keep going on one step at a time. You can!

    I hope nothing I've said has triggered you or upset you. I am not always sure what I should say. But I did want to say something. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2008
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well I'm not terrified anymore, just had this "feeling" all day now. So going out to see what I can do about it.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.