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Terror of everything missed

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Axiom

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#1
Has anyone had this? That feeling of terror associated when you give up. It's the one of the things stopping me. All the possibilities, that could be, feeling them slip truly away by the actions in your hands. though they dont feel possible not as who I am. So i'ts like im hitting this end on multipul fronts. But that feeling..

Does anyone know what im talking about.
 

Axiom

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#3
Go for it?
No, I was meaning that even though these hopes and possibilites are impossibile considering the circumstances, feeling them truly disappear is purely terrifying. I dont mean like getting something, I mean the possibilities of who you are, everything that you can and could be, leaving permenantly when you know you can't go back because of what you are doing in your final moment
 

Axiom

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#5
I suppose, but i wanted to talk about it :) Actually im not sure what I mean. I just know this feeling and it's what stops me more or less now. I might forget about alot of things, but in those final moments they come flooding back and remind me, make me feel some sort of connection to life. That terror ignites everything that I am, everything that I've built upon and aim(ed) for. A big bloody fear of missing out on lifes possibilities.

I suppose, im worried im whittleing down that terror for myself now. I suppose it's another thing to know other people know the feeling. it's just funny how much that fear can make u want to keep trying and grip on hopes, when they are more or less dead. Makes me wonder if I know something on some level that im just not aware of right now, and that terror is a way of snapping myself out of it.
 

emotional_girl

Well-Known Member
#6
I know exactly what you're talking about and I feel the same way!
I've been suicidal off and on since I was in the 8th grade (I'm 41 now), and from time to time I find myself reflecting on the blessings I've had in my life that I wouldn't have had if I had killed myself in the 8th grade when I wanted to...if I had killed myself in my early 20's when I wanted to...if I had killed myself in my mid-30's when I wanted to...and I wonder what blessings I'll have in the future if I just hold on another day...another day...another day.
 

Axiom

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#7
Guess for me, I get "blessings" in life from other people so to say. but from me, I never produce anything. All those dreams and possibilities are there, but .. they basically all leveled by who I am. But when I hit that edge, they all suddenly feel like they are possible, and I feel terrified for doing what im doing and losing out on them.

But now my mind is so fixated on my own reality, that I know if i fought hard enough i could withstand it, because.. what good is a dream if it never comes true? Breaking the connections to everything likethat, terror has no way to draw from it.

idk.. It's hard to go day in and day out, ill never deny that for anyone. From my own personal account, I don't know why I should to be honest. Im literally running off of dreams and hopes. I have no substance underneath me or behind me. It's all, .. it's like a composition of dust in some sort of shape I can identify with. But it houses no substance for me to draw from. And im getting so tired of feeling minor terror flashes from the loss of all my hopes and dreams, and having nothing to show for it. That extreme terror in the end.. it's a true face to face with the end of those dreams and possibilities by being honest with them.. ug idk. Im talking myself into shit
 
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