Guess for me, I get "blessings" in life from other people so to say. but from me, I never produce anything. All those dreams and possibilities are there, but .. they basically all leveled by who I am. But when I hit that edge, they all suddenly feel like they are possible, and I feel terrified for doing what im doing and losing out on them.
But now my mind is so fixated on my own reality, that I know if i fought hard enough i could withstand it, because.. what good is a dream if it never comes true? Breaking the connections to everything likethat, terror has no way to draw from it.
idk.. It's hard to go day in and day out, ill never deny that for anyone. From my own personal account, I don't know why I should to be honest. Im literally running off of dreams and hopes. I have no substance underneath me or behind me. It's all, .. it's like a composition of dust in some sort of shape I can identify with. But it houses no substance for me to draw from. And im getting so tired of feeling minor terror flashes from the loss of all my hopes and dreams, and having nothing to show for it. That extreme terror in the end.. it's a true face to face with the end of those dreams and possibilities by being honest with them.. ug idk. Im talking myself into shit