Test results came in today

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    My test results came in today.

    It is NOT good news, just like everything else that happens with me is always bad, and then i get those people telling me that i bring it upon myself, give me a break will they??? yea, um hum, i asked for all this, yea, i asked for all bad things to happen to me all the dang time.

    Get this, yesterday ( sunday ) i went to church at a church i had not been to in a long time because the minister had came over saturday and invited me back, so i go to visit, and seeing as how it starts an hour earlier and that i love God i could just go there and to my regular church, get a double dose of Gods word, etc.. well when i went to the other church that evening, the minister got mad at me because i had went to the other one, says i needed to pick one and stay there.. i just cant do nothing right. i love God.. i love him a lot and i want more and more of his studies, i like both churches, both have good ministers, both are the same, ( church of christ ) just one starts earlier then the other one, when one gets out i can go to the other one 10 minutes down the road, but NOOOO that is so wrong according to B. so instead of staying at the church i walked out, got in my van and left and went to the other one.. i cant love God that way cause its too much??? gees what in the heck do they want from me???

    then today, i get the call no one ever wants to get.. that my Dr. is calling in meds for me that i cant even buy cause i dont have any insurance and wants me to get on chemo/radiation therapy together ASAP , plus go to see him on may 12 and make sure i bring $75 for office visit and no telling what else they charge, plus wanting to give me a berium x-ray to see what else is going on, how much farther it spread, etc.

    plus all of that and everyone assuming it is a lie, etc i have just had it with everything.. i give up.. i totally give up.

    i am giving up religion

    i am giving up this life.

    I am tired of fighting, tired of trying to prove myself.. its never going to stop, they will always demand more, demand proof, demand this, demand that..

    i have a terminal illness, i had a dream i die in a car wreck this weekend on my way to florida and i am glad i am finally leaving this hateful world .. no one ever accepted me, never once.. they rejected me and they rejected christ..

    God i hate my life.. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it..
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    hun dont give up. Sorry you have no insurance, but there must be a way for you to receive the treatment you need. There must be some kind of social services that can help you to receive treatment. Sorry im not in the US atm so im not sure what those services are. Dont give up, you are stronger then you think.
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no i am not.. i am not that strong.. i have had it..

    im done.. im through. sorry..
  4. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Hi. I just want to say that Im sorry you are feeling like you do. I dont know where you are but Summit Centers have a low cost and even a free program that covers therapy, doctor visits, medication, things like that. Im thinking of getting on the program as I do qualify.. Im just awaiting the okay as Im having some other issues right now.. If youd like to chat send me some mail - I know I dont know you from adam but Im always open to reading mail from someone who needs to vent.
  5. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    :hug: Dovie
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