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Tests came back negative, where now?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Jun 10, 2009.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I'm almost 99% sure now that I have PMDD, but all my blood test results came back negative for anything physical. I am at my wit's end once more after yet another screaming meltdown which has really, really upset my boyfriend. He caught me punch myself in the face, then run upstairs, grab the first object I could, which was a door wedge & smash that into my hand about 10 times before throwing it at my head. I don't remember much of this incedent however. Each month before my period my short term memory is reduced to about 30-60 seconds, and I do not retain events and infomation after that. I remember hitting myself once in the face but that is it.

    I'm eating my dinner right now, but I DO NOT remember cooking it. I don't know what happened.

    I'm having panic attacks over EVERYTHING, take last night, every second Tuesday of each month is Windows update night (I even set aside 30 mins lol). Normally I just run um, reboot & carry on doing whatever I was doing, but oh no, not last night because last night was PMS mania night. I sat there watching my PC pull the updates from the site & install um, I was thinking OMG they're going to conflict with my PC, it won't reboot, I'll have to pay money to fix it, omg it will CRASH. Then I couldn't breathe, totaly irrational crap. That was just an example of the 'PMS fortnight'.

    I really feel the only way forward for me is a hysterectomy, being as I never want/could manage children and I have such bad reactions to drug treatments.

    I really think I should just push for that, maybe the GP could send me for some counselling just to make sure that is a good option for me, because at the end of the day this is my life, and my body thats getting ruined by this each month.
    The fact I am only 23 could go FOR me if I tried to push my 'special' curcumstances as 23 is so young to feel so ill & messed up all the time (two weeks out of 4 anyway). I feel old, very old.

    I don't have anything to lose by trying for this option in my eyes, I know it's major surgery but thats a risk I would be more than willing to take.

    I know there are things they can do to completly shut off your overies to see if it is hormonal, I am going to ask about that too. The side effects of this (menopause symptoms) are nothing on PMDD.

    I called the college the other day asking about doing some advanced IT course, being as I think if I was 'cured' of PMS my future is in computers.
    I think one day I could make something of the skills I have and gain some more, and become something better than I am now. The college can even give me support for my Aspergers, which is fantastic. I will have to beg & scrounge the fees from somewhere, however if PMS is going to thwart it, then whats the point.

    I see the place I want to be but my aching, nauseous body is like a lead weight now. I can never progress while my physical health & moods are fraught with these symptoms. How can I learn if I don't remember what happened to me the last minute ago?

    I have hit a point in my life where I cannot progress without some form of drastic intervention, and that will have to come from the doctors.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So sorry you are feeling so bad...just wanted to send my caring...big hugs, J
  3. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Unless you have PMDD and then go through perimenopause, like I am. Then the symptoms of menopause far surpass PMDD as instead of going through it once a month for a week or ten days, you're going through it approximately 21 days out of the month (or more so). That's the week before your period (PMDD week) when your progesterone takes a dive, the week of your period, and the week after your period when your estrogen decides to elevate. You're stuck in a vicious cycle of estrogen/progesterone imbalance that causes all of the symptoms you're already describing (which, by the way, sounds almost exactly like what I go through), and then some, as your hormones control and connect to a myraid of bodily, mental and emotional issues. Since perimenopause has set in (which is the time before the periods actually stop, starting anywhere from late 30s to 50s, and lasting approximately 2-15 years) I have developed more paranoias, more phobias and more anxiety than I have ever known before ... all due to hormonal imbalance - which, by the way, doctors do not want to give hormones for any longer (they probably would with hysterectomy) due to cancer and heart disease. Hysterectomy is artificially enduced menopause, but its the same thing (only quicker ane more hard-hitting, but probably over faster) as the natural perimenopause I'm going through. I'd really very seriously reconsider. I had no idea it would be so hard, and I'd prayed for it for years - "Oh let me get menopause early and get this over with!" since I couldn't have any more children, saw no need for a period, and was PMDD all over the place. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it.

    *HUGS* You have my empathy!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Sorry,I don't have anything useful to say..

    I remember you suffered a lot of physical problems before, I'm sorry to hear you're still suffering.

    Thinking of you xxxx
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