Texting after the no-contact period, a question I'm sure has been asked before...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SCUK2009, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    ...but here goes, I'll try to keep it short-ish.

    Some of you may remember a few months back, the girl I wanted to tell her about her ex cheating on her (which I eventually did and regretted). This is to do with the same girl.

    I was good friends with her for a couple of years and we eventually got together last summer after having feelings for each other for a while. It was great at first but I don't think she was over her ex who she was with after we became friends and I got jealous which started to make things awkward. She ended it a couple of months after we got together and we tried to be friends. It didn't work and things got said (on my part) and this resulted in her saying she was having a fresh start and to have a nice life.

    She text me out of the blue 3 weeks later and we got speaking again, but it was still awkward because I love her and couldn't take that she wasn't with me.

    Just before Christmas I made the decision to cut her off completely and all the mutual friends we know, I turned my phone off and tried to move on.

    It was all going good and I turned my phone back on a month ago, no texts from anyone. Until three days ago when she texts the following:

    ''Babe of my life why are you blanking? I need you xxxxxxxx'' which I ignored. She then rang about two hours later and I ignored that too. Then she text first thing the next morning '' miss you, please talk to me xxxxxxxx'' which I ignored again.

    I was desperate to reply but thought I have come this far and had no contact for so long, I don't want my heart broken again. She sent another text yesterday morning saying ''I'm going to Newcastle today I don't know why I'm telling you this as you won't reply, I feel like I'm talking to a dead person haha TOUCH WOOD. Miss you chicken, I want you back in my life xxxxxxxxx''.

    Now I am confused because after she ended it back in September she was reluctant to make contact and seemed like she was pushing me away, so for her to do all of this, all at once seems strange. Does she still have feelings for me? Or is she just worried because nobody has heard from me? She is quite loving in her texts anyway so I can't tell whether they mean anything. The phonecall was really unexpected though as I'd asked her to phone since she ended it and she avoided it.

    I want her back as she is my first love and I have thought about her every day and her getting in contact again brought all the pain back and I don't know if I should reply.

    Thank you for reading this, will appreciate any advice. :)

    I am 22 by the way. And male. :)
  2. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Well, if your phone has been off for that long; maybe the phone company has been sending old messages slowly since you reactivated it.

    Otherwise, maybe she is just going through a rough time and idealizing the past now that you are gone, and things are harsh. She was doing the same thing with her Ex when you were together.

    This is a confusing subject. I'm 23 and have never been with anyone really. I don't know whether you should give it another try, or keep from contacting her. If she is this prone to attachment after being left, then I don't know whether you should give in to it. Seems like she needs to learn how to let go. So do you since you have jealousy issues, etc.

    Maybe you can give the relationship another try, but start over. Work slowly into it with set boundaries in a clear conversation. If you or her start pulling nonsense again, talk about it, and try to clear it out. If nothing works, then you might want to just tell her that things aren't working out.

    I would let her cool down first. She just seems to be idealizing your past relationship in those texts. This unrealistic attachment seems to be more of an infatuation than love. I know it is tempting, but you may want to start again after she is in a better place and can accept you for being you. Not some imaginary Superman. She'll just end up getting disappointed when she doesn't realize you are her minds image of perfection.

    Don't listen to me though. Let's wait for people with more experience to get on. Maybe they can come up with something better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2011
  3. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    No, after the first text she rang afterwards so I know they've all been sent the same time I got them.

    You make some good points. I got another text this morning; ''I had a dream about you last night, please speak to me again xxxxx''. :eek:hmy:

    Thanks for your reply.