I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who I've had the pleasure to chat with and those who have given me kind words when I made my first post over 3 weeks ago. I have hit "rock bottom" several times since I joined this forum. I have come to not understand what rock bottom is anymore. I have serious issues with PTSD and I have cognitive behaviors that I don't even realize I have most of the time. God knows I've tried to beat this, but I keep getting sucked back in every time I see daylight. I broke and attempted suicide 11 days ago today. <mod edit - methods> Chances of that happening are millions to one. I guess that wasn't my day to go. I'm still here today to type this message. I have driven Everyone I love away from me by being a fool. I wish they could only know I mean no harm. I wish they knew that I am a living person with the biggest heart. They can't because I'm dishonest. I don't know why I am but I am. I don't make up big stories I just have something inside me that's terrified to disappoint someone so I leave out pieces of the truth. I try not to but it just happens. I realized tonight, more than ever before m, that I am alone My wife finally left me. This is my new rock bottom and there doesn't seem to be any way up. I've tried to be better. I truly have. I cannot say enough how much the kindness that I've received on this forum has lifted me through some really tough days. I thank God for each of you to care about people no matter who they are or what they've done. I know we all have problems here, but this has been a light for me during some dark times. We'll never meet in this life, but I've found more help here than from the people I know. I'm grateful for that. Thank you all so much.