I've been listening to the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. And well, I couldn't help but think of someone "special" so I'll take advantage of it, vent and write this! <3
I'm 14 and I met someone two years ago (2022). I don't know if it could be considered friendship, I feel bad even questioning that, because for me it was, but I think for many it would be just nonsense. Well, I wasn't in the best moment of my life, I think it was the worst, I was barely returning to in-person classes after the pandemic, I hadn't even finished primary school when the pandemic started, and when it was time to return to classes, I was scared, I just didn't want to, I didn't like the people around me, everyone was so different, people were bad, well since I moved to that place, everything was different for me, I had never experienced what it was like to be "bullied by other children" and I guess It's part of the experience of life, but I can't help but squirm and feel so disturbed by how my childhood in that place was the worst part of my life (and probably still is because I won't be able to get out of here until start college. But at least he's not as cruel as when he was in elementary school.) I think all that and more was the reason that the even more drastic change of going from being a little boy to starting high school was something that destroyed me. But in that short period of time, I met "C" (it's not even the initial of her real name but I like to call her by a special nickname) before, as the only alternative escape from the place where I lived (where I live, and I'm not referring to my house, but to the city) I went much deeper into the internet, creating social networks and things like that.
In short, I ended up starting with an innocent conversation with a girl who was a follower of mine (we followed each other) on Twitter (I used to be active on social networks and upload drawings because I really liked drawing)
We talked literally every day, we started talking more in 2022 because in 2021 he had barely started following me. She was the only person I talked to and I felt really comfortable, it was different from any experience I had with other virtual friends I had (I can't compare them with real friends either since I didn't even consider them "friends"). I told her everything I It happened to me, how scared I was to go back to school and start secondary school, the time we spoke was short now that I remember it better, maybe only a few weeks, but it was wonderful.
In the past, I would send her pictures of what I did at school, I would talk to her at recess when I was all alone in the classroom, I would vent about how horrible I thought those prepubescent fools at my school were, she would laugh, she also told me about her day, what she did. I liked talking to her, I felt comfortable, happy. We only talked via chat, no audio, no video call, nothing, just text messages. It was probably the best support I could have had at that time, not only dealing with the change in my life, but also that I was starting to stop drawing and stop uploading content on my networks, school was literally consuming me, even though It wasn't just that, I didn't even feel like getting up anymore, I cried, because drawing wasn't as fun anymore, because I couldn't feel like before, I felt useless, I think I am. My back hurt from being in bed so much, it still hurts, I'm still lying on my bed, crying. But anyway, I try to be fine, I try to ignore things, I try to think that I will be fine, in the future, and I try not to think too much about the now, because it depresses me to be like this, I prefer to focus on that, I will be fine. because I try to improve, which means I will improve, someday, in the future.
Returning to the topic, I have even told "C" at the time that she is indeed a VERY special person for me, that I appreciate her too much, that "the little we know each other makes me happy" and she was very sweet, she was grateful in the same way, and that he also considered me a good friend, and that made me VERY, VERY, HAPPY.
At some point, we stopped talking, she was busy with school too, I understood her, but I think she didn't understand that she was literally the only person I "talked to", so I got a little sad (too sad) when We stopped talking. By the time I realized it, it was already December, my birthday, I didn't talk to her, she didn't talk to me, I had stopped using Twitter a long time ago, I met someone else on the internet, life goes on. I was sad, I remembered her and I missed talking to her, but from time to time, I would upload something to Twitter, she would like it, sometimes she would reply, and that was enough to make me happy.
"C" was 15 and I was 12 when we met
Now she will be 18 in a few months, and I will be 15
"When you feel alone or when you have no one to talk to, you can talk to me"
It was something she told me.
This year, I spoke to her again, I felt VERY happy, after so long. We started talking more on Instagram, through audios, videos, etc... but, currently, the one who distanced himself again was me, we haven't talked in months, because I simply feel tired of the internet. I learned to realize and be more mature with the fact that, not because she doesn't talk to me, it's not because she "got tired" of me, or because she "hates me", but because, she is a human, because she has a LIFE, because she is living, just like me. And it's not healthy to walk past a screen every day just because your virtual friend is there; So now I'm happy, wondering what she's doing now, I hope she's okay, maybe I'll talk to her and ask her!
And something that I couldn't accept for a moment was that at that time, I thought I was in love with her (something a little silly since we had been talking for like 2 weeks, only VIA CHAT), it took me a little while to accept that!
But I think I have come to the conclusion, after two years, that, yes, I am in love, I love her, I will love her forever, I am and will be eternally grateful to her, for talking, for listening, for reading me, for understanding, for being a friend to this silly lonely boy. I don't think it's something romantic, it's hard to explain, I don't really know her, she's just a little person from the internet, maybe she's not even as good as I think!
But, still. I love her, she can't even imagine HOW important SHE WAS and WILL BE for me. I could be 15,16,17,18,19,20,30,40,50,70,80 and I would still remember her fondly, because she saved me, just for a moment, just by doing little things. She made me and still makes me really happy.
To my 12 year old self, to that scared child.
So, "C" I know I've told you this in the past, but, now I think I can say it better.
I love you. Not in a romantic way, and I'd hate to have to label what I feel or explain it at length, so I'll boil it down to those words. I love you, maybe it sounds too strong, but it's like that, before I was afraid to say it, because I felt like it was something VERY strong, but haha, it's not...more or less. I love you and thank you, I hope you remember me with a smile. I know you've had friends, many more, better than me, I know that's how it is, I know we don't even interact much. But you were important (you still are)
I love you for that, for being wonderful, for being someone from the internet who accidentally bumped into me and decided to talk to me
I feel kind of stupid because I know that you will never specifically read all of what I write here, but I am building up the courage to one day be able to tell you, even if it is just in a text, that I love you, and thank you.
I'm 14 and I met someone two years ago (2022). I don't know if it could be considered friendship, I feel bad even questioning that, because for me it was, but I think for many it would be just nonsense. Well, I wasn't in the best moment of my life, I think it was the worst, I was barely returning to in-person classes after the pandemic, I hadn't even finished primary school when the pandemic started, and when it was time to return to classes, I was scared, I just didn't want to, I didn't like the people around me, everyone was so different, people were bad, well since I moved to that place, everything was different for me, I had never experienced what it was like to be "bullied by other children" and I guess It's part of the experience of life, but I can't help but squirm and feel so disturbed by how my childhood in that place was the worst part of my life (and probably still is because I won't be able to get out of here until start college. But at least he's not as cruel as when he was in elementary school.) I think all that and more was the reason that the even more drastic change of going from being a little boy to starting high school was something that destroyed me. But in that short period of time, I met "C" (it's not even the initial of her real name but I like to call her by a special nickname) before, as the only alternative escape from the place where I lived (where I live, and I'm not referring to my house, but to the city) I went much deeper into the internet, creating social networks and things like that.
In short, I ended up starting with an innocent conversation with a girl who was a follower of mine (we followed each other) on Twitter (I used to be active on social networks and upload drawings because I really liked drawing)
We talked literally every day, we started talking more in 2022 because in 2021 he had barely started following me. She was the only person I talked to and I felt really comfortable, it was different from any experience I had with other virtual friends I had (I can't compare them with real friends either since I didn't even consider them "friends"). I told her everything I It happened to me, how scared I was to go back to school and start secondary school, the time we spoke was short now that I remember it better, maybe only a few weeks, but it was wonderful.
In the past, I would send her pictures of what I did at school, I would talk to her at recess when I was all alone in the classroom, I would vent about how horrible I thought those prepubescent fools at my school were, she would laugh, she also told me about her day, what she did. I liked talking to her, I felt comfortable, happy. We only talked via chat, no audio, no video call, nothing, just text messages. It was probably the best support I could have had at that time, not only dealing with the change in my life, but also that I was starting to stop drawing and stop uploading content on my networks, school was literally consuming me, even though It wasn't just that, I didn't even feel like getting up anymore, I cried, because drawing wasn't as fun anymore, because I couldn't feel like before, I felt useless, I think I am. My back hurt from being in bed so much, it still hurts, I'm still lying on my bed, crying. But anyway, I try to be fine, I try to ignore things, I try to think that I will be fine, in the future, and I try not to think too much about the now, because it depresses me to be like this, I prefer to focus on that, I will be fine. because I try to improve, which means I will improve, someday, in the future.
Returning to the topic, I have even told "C" at the time that she is indeed a VERY special person for me, that I appreciate her too much, that "the little we know each other makes me happy" and she was very sweet, she was grateful in the same way, and that he also considered me a good friend, and that made me VERY, VERY, HAPPY.
At some point, we stopped talking, she was busy with school too, I understood her, but I think she didn't understand that she was literally the only person I "talked to", so I got a little sad (too sad) when We stopped talking. By the time I realized it, it was already December, my birthday, I didn't talk to her, she didn't talk to me, I had stopped using Twitter a long time ago, I met someone else on the internet, life goes on. I was sad, I remembered her and I missed talking to her, but from time to time, I would upload something to Twitter, she would like it, sometimes she would reply, and that was enough to make me happy.
"C" was 15 and I was 12 when we met
Now she will be 18 in a few months, and I will be 15
"When you feel alone or when you have no one to talk to, you can talk to me"
It was something she told me.
This year, I spoke to her again, I felt VERY happy, after so long. We started talking more on Instagram, through audios, videos, etc... but, currently, the one who distanced himself again was me, we haven't talked in months, because I simply feel tired of the internet. I learned to realize and be more mature with the fact that, not because she doesn't talk to me, it's not because she "got tired" of me, or because she "hates me", but because, she is a human, because she has a LIFE, because she is living, just like me. And it's not healthy to walk past a screen every day just because your virtual friend is there; So now I'm happy, wondering what she's doing now, I hope she's okay, maybe I'll talk to her and ask her!
And something that I couldn't accept for a moment was that at that time, I thought I was in love with her (something a little silly since we had been talking for like 2 weeks, only VIA CHAT), it took me a little while to accept that!
But I think I have come to the conclusion, after two years, that, yes, I am in love, I love her, I will love her forever, I am and will be eternally grateful to her, for talking, for listening, for reading me, for understanding, for being a friend to this silly lonely boy. I don't think it's something romantic, it's hard to explain, I don't really know her, she's just a little person from the internet, maybe she's not even as good as I think!
But, still. I love her, she can't even imagine HOW important SHE WAS and WILL BE for me. I could be 15,16,17,18,19,20,30,40,50,70,80 and I would still remember her fondly, because she saved me, just for a moment, just by doing little things. She made me and still makes me really happy.
To my 12 year old self, to that scared child.
So, "C" I know I've told you this in the past, but, now I think I can say it better.
I love you. Not in a romantic way, and I'd hate to have to label what I feel or explain it at length, so I'll boil it down to those words. I love you, maybe it sounds too strong, but it's like that, before I was afraid to say it, because I felt like it was something VERY strong, but haha, it's not...more or less. I love you and thank you, I hope you remember me with a smile. I know you've had friends, many more, better than me, I know that's how it is, I know we don't even interact much. But you were important (you still are)
I love you for that, for being wonderful, for being someone from the internet who accidentally bumped into me and decided to talk to me
I feel kind of stupid because I know that you will never specifically read all of what I write here, but I am building up the courage to one day be able to tell you, even if it is just in a text, that I love you, and thank you.
